and really what I need is to figure out what the path is.
what steps to take to change careers or put this one on track. I can't afford to live in the Bay Area, which is where I want to be. I see places I want to park my bike and furniture, but I don't see how on earth I could get them.
it all seems very frozen right now. Patience comes and goes, ebb and...
today I want it all, tomorrow I'm willing to let it all go for just a little something, anything. The next day I am inflexible again. Then it seems possible, but upon another look, not at all. It's all water on the horizon of a vast desert. Or a mirage, or maybe just little piece of broken glass left from a different time.
Now it's just for investors and flippers, people who were given a little more, people who made better choices earlier, people who don't have bikes to wrench on. I'm at once above you and beneath you; spiteful, self-righteous, and deeply envious.
And it's all I want.
In this job that, just one generation ago, would have been a fine job to build a life on. A job that now means I'll always be poor, never able to put down roots in the place I belong.
Fuck you very much luxury people. I hope your 24 hour concierge sneaks in in the middle of the night and steals your precious granite countertop. Maybe one day I'll be ducking through an alley and find you clutching your stainless steel faucet, all that's left from the recessed-lighting-induced fire that burnt your condo-hive to the ground.
We'll always have our stainless steel.