Tuesday, November 08, 2016

I guess in a way, this is freeing, because we can all stop pretending now

I'm done. It was all a fucking farce.
I'm done believing my life matters. I'm done pretending I'm equal. I almost believed it for a bit, too! I thought I was killing it, holding my family together, being the breadwinner, kicking ass and taking names. i thought *we* were, maybe, doing it.

We aren't. Women are not equal in this United States. This democratic experiment is not over, but it's time for us to realize that this dream we were so close to, that women mattered, that you could not insult, assault, and smugly ridicule them for just being women... it's a fucking farce. You can do all of these these things, becuase America doesn't give a flying fuck about women. We are still terrified and horrified of women, and, well, I seem to have been born female. So... fuck it. I feel stupid for even believing this dream I was living in.

So, if I start leaving work 77% early, or not doing shit at night because it's not safe to be a woman after dark, or not bothering to follow up on stuff becuase I wouldn't want to be deemed pushy... If I stop paying my taxes because tax-supported hospitals refuse medical care to women and tax-paid judges think that raping a woman behind a dumpster is A-OK...

GO. FUCK YOURSELF, AMERICA. I'm not a fully valuable human, so you shouldn't expect me to be a fully contributing one.

At least I can stop trying to get all this girl power propaganda into my daughters' heads, becuase... it's all a heap of shit. I'd hate for them to grow up to be nasty women, or to think that it's not ok for men to grab them by the genitalia. And frankly, researching this strong-girl-propaganda stuff was taking up a bit of time. It will be so much easier to just buy them lipstick and diet pills.

And I can't keep lying to my daughters and giving them a pretty picture that if they work hard they might be respected and treated as capable, respected individuals. It's a crock of shit, and WHY IS IT MY JOB TO LIE TO MY KIDS.

I thought a woman had to be twice as qualified to be considered half as good, but... I was off by an order of magnitude.  I can't. I just... can't. I'm over and out. I'll let the men in my life take over all the hard shit I've been doing.