October 3-5: Venice

This was mostly written whilst on the train to Florence, and I am just getting to it now...


In the canal by our hotel in Venice. The water is clearer than we expected, and there are FISHES!

On Day 2, our first full day after arriving, we got out in the morning to see the Basilica di San Marco. As we were in line, we saw the floods starting, first as a puddle in the front of the church, which grew as we were in line, so that the narthex (entry way) of the church was solidly flooded by the time we got in. They put out planks to walk on, as this is completely normal flooding. We paid the 6 Euro to go upstairs to the museum and loggia, where we saw the 4 Horses and stood out on the loggia just in time for the 12:00 bells, first from the Torre dell'Orologio, which is hit by a mechanical man with a hammer, and then across the piazza at the Campanile, a much louder bell. On the other side of the loggia, we looked down onto the top of two columns, one covered in dead pigeons, one with none at all. Is this where pigeons go to die? Some sort of pigeon executioner's square? Paul's theory was that people throw dead pigeons onto the one column, but I have my doubts.


It's a small world after all!


Where pigeons go to die?


View from the side of the loggia, out over the Piazzetta

The Basilica itself is amazing(ly overdone) but there are countless records of that elsewhere. We paid a few Euro to go to the Treasury to see a bunch of stolen and some legitimately gotten treasure, some very impressive Byzantine chalices, and, most importantly, reliquaries. I really can't get enough of this stuff: bones, teeth, the "True Cross," and best of all, a whole hand, apparently of Saint Martha.

On the way to the Basilica, on the Ponte Dell'Accademia



After the Basilica, we had some melty cheese sandwiches and headed to see the Ghetto. On the way, we had our first gelato of the day, and stopped to see St. Lucy in Saint Geramia's church. You can see her hands and feet, but the face is covered with a mask. There are several paintings and sculptures of St. Lucy in the church, which I always find funny because she is usually depicted holding a dish with her eyes in it, yet she always has eyes in her head. I suppose no one wanted to depict her with just sockets? Odd, since the religious art frequently relishes the grotesque.

We noticed the vending machines in front of the pharmacies offer all sorts of things you might need in an emergency.

We got to the Ghetto just in time to miss the last tour of the Museo Ebraico. I had done the tour last time and Paul said he just wanted to see the Ghetto. The buildings of the Ghetto Nuovo are close together, and stacked high with low-ceilinged apartments. You get a pretty good sense of the crowding just by seeing the dwellings. The Holocaust memorial in the Campo again nearly made me cry. Just as last time I was here, uniformed police were hanging around the Campo. Coincidence? Or because people have attempted some anti-Semitic crimes here? Either way, the history of his place is heavy. And? People still live here. As we left, we passed by several Jewish shops and bakeries, and on the way out, some guy said something unintelligible to us, and when we looked confused, asked "You speak Hebrew?" Uh, no. Not even a little.

We wandered around the Rialto markets and over the famed bride of tourists and knick-knacks. Heading back into St. Mark's Sestiere, we wandered and happened upon the Scala del Bovolo, a happy surprise sine I had been wondering where "that staircase" was but had no idea what I was looking for. As famous and sunning as it is, it is just stuck in a small backyard area, overgrown and hidden in an alley where no one can be impressed by it. I had assumed it would be posing on the Grand Canal, or an important piazza.

Scala del Bovolo

We also stopped briefly at St. Moise, generally thought to be Venice's ugliest church I'd been impressed by the dubious facade before, but this time we got to duck in and be astounded by the bombastic altarpiece. OMG. I wanted to get a better look at it, but some guy rang a little bell and a priest came in, so we scurried off.

Venice is beautiful everywhere you look.

Dinner was followed by gelato #2, and then we decided to go drink beers in the Campo San Margherita with all the adorable college students. We wondered if we were supposed to care when the Polizia pulled up in their bat and disembarked to walk the crowd. No one moved, so neither did we. The college students ranged from mall-punks to pegged-jean-unfortunate-hair metalheads to your run of the mill jeans-and-sweatshirts types. Venice is marred by more graffitti than you would expect, and we were consistently charmed by the earnest scrawlings against biotech and a "global Italy." On the square, we also had gelato #3, then retired for the evening.


day 3 we got out of the apartment even later, as I was starting to feel like I was coming down with something. The goal was to go the the Palazzo Ducale, and... success! We made it. The Palazzo tour gives you a close-up look at many architectural details, a lot of painting (some important, and others just over-the-top tacky) and a good background on Venetian history and the structure of society and government. you also get to tour the prisons and the armory. The weapons exhibit is large, with my highlights being the velvet-covered shields, weapons, and helmets, the funny artwork on some old rifles, and most importantly, listening to two children ask their respective parents "what is this?" in reference to a particularly gruesome chastity belt, and listening to the parents explain to their 5-8 year-olds in detail, in German and some other language. Where I didn't understand, I could tell by the looks on the little girls' faces that the explanation had been sufficiently accurate and detailed. I guess I'm a prudish America but I might have said "I don't know" and moved on. At least until they were a little older? It was hilarious and we were tempted to linger little longer for a third and fourth family.

The Palazzo Ducale from it's interior courtyard


Bling! The Scala del'Oro in the Palazzo Ducale

We spent several hours at the Palazzo Ducale and then puttered around for a bit before deciding to get warmer clothes and then take a few water buses to see Venice from the Canal and maybe visit Giudecca. Unfortunately we came to the realization that we were having banking problems, so after watching perhaps the most spectacular sunset ever, we spent about an hour trying to figure out how to get through to Paul's bank by phone. UGH. We seem to have figured out (no help from the bank though) the problem and may actually be ale to pay for our meals and lodging. I think. Given all of that and a lot of confusion with the bus information, we canceled on our idea to visit Giudecca in favor of having dinner (there's a small window of opportunity for meals at certain hours, and if you miss it, you are SOL) After dinner we saw a few more vistas, and called it a day. No gelato!

The most spectacular sunset ever

Why get married?

I didn't really have a good reason to want to get married. Paul and I were already committed (mixing 401Ks and mortgages is a *lot* more serious than a silly marriage certificate, legally speaking) and we were already living together. Most of my family had already decided that we were really married deep down inside. So why do it? For my part, I have been inspired by the wonderful marriages of my parents and grandparents, and once I had Paul and knew he was for me, I wanted to get *married" and I wanted to grow that into something as beautiful as what my grandmother and grandfather had.

As we planned our wedding, I was also secretly sure nothing would change, and partially wondered why throw a big party to say “we're married now!” when really you were married all along in your souls. I was ready for the anti-climax.

But I was wrong.

There is something different about being married. And I don't know what it is. Some undefinable change happens, and you make it happen, but it is also outside of you. We threw a wedding and tried to include as many people as we could, with the belief that the community's support was a necessary part of taking just being in love to being married, to a public commitment, and a commitment from the public, to support and grow this new family unit. There is something invested by the community, into the couple, that is bigger than what we could make for ourselves.

And every day I look at Paul a little differently, though nothing has objectively changed. But, somehow, it has changed.


And with heavy heart I worry now that this right will be taken away from millions of people in my community. Tomorrow the people of California will vote on whether to take away marriage from people who love people of the same gender.

During the wedding planning, I read of several couples who decided not to get married legally because they could not go along with an institution unfairly denied to gays and lesbians. I was happy that I didn't have to make that decision, and proud to get married in a state where all of my friends and fellow Californians could marry as they chose. How civilized! How loving!

And that day? I was never one to fantasize about dream weddings, and fuss about the perfect details of My Perfect Wedding Day, but you know what? It was perfect. Because I was surrounded by my community, and they were there in love to witness and support our marriage.

And I want that right for all of my friends. The deserve it. They need it. Their children need it.

I've heard the arguments:

• that Prop 8 is bad for children won't someone think of the children!??!?! (but what about the fact the gay teenagers have such high suicide rates? Perhaps if they weren't ostracized, they'd have an easier time of it? Oh, and since other countries have already moved forward, we already have studies, showing the kids are alright.)
• That marriage is a religious ideal from that person's church. Well, fine, that person's church can do what it wants, but as long as the state is involved, it must be an equally available institution. I could just as easily make up a religion and start saying marriage was only for gay people. So what about my religious beliefs? The best answer would be for the state to only honor and create civil unions, and have nothing to do with "marriages," which are apparently owned by whatever religious institution the person you are talking to belongs.
  
• That this will destroy marriage is my favorite. With a divorce rate of 50%, I think straight people have done a fine enough job of destroying marriage. And for my part, for my marriage, I will be honored to have taken part in an institution that is shared by all the people in my community, many of whom are gay and lesbian. Applying a “separate but equal” institution would honestly make me a little less proud of the “married” thing. Marriage should be a tool of community building, not separating, and entered with love and compassion, not fear and paranoia. (and? I've looked into it. Civil unions do NOT give the same rights and protections as marriages do. Yes, allowing people to ride the bus is great, but making them sit in the back is not equal, and should not be tolerated.)
  

There are two pieces of video that I hope everyone will take a moment to watch. The first is a commercial supporting Prop 8, except the words have been changed slightly, so you can see what this is really about. Please let this sink in:



The second piece is a heartfelt speech given by the mayor of San Diego in September of 2007. The mayor was set to veto a resolution in support of gay marriage, and had vowed he would do so. Instead, he gave this press conference:



His speech was heartfelt and thoughtful, and gave me hope that even those who have been mistaken on this issue in the past, even the vociferous haters of equal rights for gays, can grow and change and see a better way. Is there anyone in your life you can reach, to help them see things in a better way?

And please, if you do nothing else, vote against Proposition 8.

Wedding guests

(one of a series of ruminations about the wedding process and our wedding)

I was not one of these girls who imagined her dream wedding. I never had a pre-planned, just drop in Mr. Guy here. Planning a wedding would come later, when there was a person I was actually planning to marry. Which happened in February.

A lot of what happened in between was poorly planned. From a project plan point, we might have slowed down and outlined our triple constraint, prioritized various goals, identified our stakeholders, and generally dragged it out for a great many billable hours. But I had no intention of letting this thing draw out. I've always been irritated by the people who get engaged forEVER and either plan a wedding a few years out or just get engaged with no wedding in the works. OK, we are not getting any younger, I don't have time for that. Also, engaged means planning to marry, so if you don't want to get married, DON'T GET ENGAGED. We came up with a number of months that seemed reasonable, given our vast knowledge of wedding planning, set the date, and moved full steam ahead! In retrospect, I think six months is perfect. Less is not enough unless you are having a very small wedding. More would have driven me insane, because no matter how good you are about keeping balance in our life, you will get sucked in to the planning and lose your real life, and get tired of wishing it would just get over with already. The longest I could have put up with this would be a year, and that would have been a stretch.

The next logical step would be to come up with some sort of vision for what you want. A small, intimate gathering by candlelight? A huge 500 person extravaganza? Who knows? We didn't really do this. We sort of nibbled away at this as we went along, without a defining vision. Here's what we knew:

• We wanted to invite everyone who was important to us
• We didn't want to blow a ton of cash
• We wanted to eat food
• We wanted to enjoy it
• We wanted it to be friendly and homey and familyish, not orchestrated and perfect.

Points one and two are pushing against each other. Any wedding planning resource will tell you that the best way to cut costs is to cut guests. We didn't want to do that. We didn't want to regret that so-and-so wasn't there because we decided to have the ice sculpture and monogrammed napkins. So we let our parents have nearly free reign with the guest list, and we invited all the family and friends we could.

There is still a point where you have to draw a line about what friends to invite and which to leave out. We had to weigh this wish to include everyone against the wish to have a small enough crowd that we could actually spend quality time with people. That was tough sometimes. People you kind of wish you could invite but decide you can't are a constant source of guilt in the wedding planning process. Deal with it. (and anyone who doesn't have an invitation who asks when the wedding is and what they should wear? So totally not OK)

The last thing I want to say about the guests is the most important.
One thing I know a lot of couples planning wedding do (wrong) is decide not to allow kids at their weddings. This option hadn't really occurred to me at all until I started reading forums of women complaining about the headaches they were going through to make this happen. It is my strong recommendation that no one do this, unless you are having a very very small wedding and just want to keep it more intimate. Disallowing kids complicates things and makes people mad, which increases your stress level. You have to start dealing with technicalities. What age to you cut off at? Are certain close family members excluded? So and so can't come unless they bring their kid... Every one of these conversations will make people stressed and angry, and you do not need that when you are trying to plan a happy celebration.

More importantly, to us, was this simple fact: marriage is about family. Family frequently involves kids. Marriage is not about a beautiful wedding with no distractions or messes or noise. Family is noisy and messy, and our wedding would be too.


As it turned out, having the kids around was fantastic, and one of the things I heard the most was how much fun everyone had with the kids running around. During the ceremony, Emiko was escaping repeatedly from her mom, running through my field of vision behind Paul. Watching her kept me very happy while I tried not to think about how annoying it was that the microphone stopped working. During the wine and beer hour in the courtyard, several little girls in Paul's extended family attacked me with lots of sweet questions and affections while other kids found a watering can and started watering all the plants they could find. And during the reception, since the space was fenced in and fairly flat and clean, the kids got free reign with space and toys to go nuts. Best moment? One little girl tore her dress off and streaked around with her mom chasing her frantically, and Quinn apparently got a black eye which fazed him not in the least. I'm not really very good with kids, but I did enjoy having them around and seeing them have so much fun (and feeding them cupcakes!)

In short, I'm very glad that our choice of venue left us the flexibility to invite as many people as we wanted, and that we were so lucky to have all those people come.

It's just a word, after all

(I started writing this, after a lot of time thinking about it, on September 9th. Now it is way in the past, sort of)


Among the frivolous decisions about flowers, and cakes, and processional music and chocolate fountains, there are a few mines hidden in the wedding process. One thing I'm stuck on is names.

There are a lot of decisions that really ought to be personal ones, but that once made, people will jump to all kinds of conclusions about. In the wedding process, this one is probably the worst. If you change your name, it must be because you've given in to the patriarchy, that you've given up your identity, and not done any independent thought. You can't really be a feminist, surely, if you throw away your name and adopt your husband's.

And if you decide to keep your own name? You're being difficult, confusing, and not a team player. What name do your kids get? I've heard of them getting the father's name (why?) and I've heard the most bizarre one where the girls get the mom's name and the boys get the dad's name. All these names seem really silly and confusing. What is the point of a last name, if not to indicate which group you are with? And if you each have a different name, why not drop it altogether?


You could hyphenate, and saddle yourself and your children with an ever-growing list of names.
You could both change your names, to a hybrid, or some other name you like
Your husband could change his name to yours.

There are plenty of good reasons to change, and plenty of good reasons to keep my name. Unfortunately, I don't have very strong feelings either way. Paul knows he wants to keep his name unchanged. He feels strongly about this, and he doesn't care what I do with my name.

If I had an extraordinarily cool name to start with, I'd probably want to keep it. But my name is pretty generic. I like it because I share my dad's initials, as well as his dad's, so I've determined that by default I'll inherit all of his tools and anything else he's initialed. (ha!) Another, very strong, reason I lean toward keeping my name is that it is very hard for people to find you if you change your name. It's unfortunate how difficult it is to track down old friends and colleagues, and worse when you try to track family history. What about all the long lost friends who've found me on LinkedIn and such? What about all of my business contacts? It seems unfair that only women are really saddled with this problem.

I could move my maiden name to my middle name and take Paul's name for my last name. But I am a lover of our silly little traditions and conventions, and everyone in my family shares the same middle initial. And my middle name necessarily comes with my first name in the myth of my creation (something about my parents deciding they wanted a girl with my first and middle name)

And, on a level I hadn't thought would bug me, there's this question I see voiced in wedding-planning forums, something about, "my last name is my family, my identity. I don't want to erase my identity when I get married." This seems a little silly, since your name isn't your identity. Except, even knowing this, a part of me is sad to leave that name and unit behind. Can I still visit the Compound as a part of it, or just a visitor? For me, personally, I carry the family name of my dad's family, which, frankly, we have not been as close to as with my mother's. My dad's dad was a very good man, a loving man, and one I regret not making more time for. I carry my mother's family traits with me most visibly, what I have of my dad's family is more subtle, except the name.

oy. Just a part of growing up and moving out, I suppose.



Anyway, I came to a fairly certain conclusion that I would change my name (the desire to create a family unit, a TEAM name is the deciding factor, I think), but then couldn't force myself to print it on my placecard in preparation for the wedding reception. This doesn't bode well. Then since I had to book a flight for November, I decided I couldn't change it until after dealing with the nice smart TSA agents.

In the end, well, it isn't at the end yet. I think I'll be changing my name, but, not yet, and not without serious doubts on both sides.

Prezzies!!!

Yesterday was a momentous day for our wedding. We got our first wedding gift!*

And? It was from our justgive.org registry, which makes it ten times better!

Confession: I wasn't quite sure how I'd feel with "gifts" of charity. In my heart and brain, I know it is the bestest and most noble thing. But part of me was doubting how I'd really feel. As honorable as a charity registry might be, wouldn't I feel sad at not having presents? For me? ME? With big bows on them? Of course, we didn't really want more stuff, we don't have room for more stuff, but who doesn't love opening presents? It's a fleeting thrill, yes, but I must admit it is a real one.

In reality, when I got that message in my inbox saying someone had given money to Doctors without Borders in honor of us, I almost cried. I'm almost crying right now. Call it bridal bonkers, but I've always been one to cry at the drop of a hat. Whether or not we need towels or wine glasses (I have broken nearly all of ours in the dishwasher), I am so completely touched by the idea that our love and marriage will grow into something special, not only for us and our family, but for people across the globe who really, really need help. I have a fantasy at least, that this Doctors Without Borders things will impact one life, then many, and spread out like a friendly, healing cancer all over some community, heck, maybe the world?

So even if we are both wiped out by a massive earthquake tomorrow, our love and our loved ones' generosity, has created a real and lasting impact on the world.

I can't do that with a toaster.



*actually, not exactly our first wedding gift, since we have been gifted with our parents' generosities in helping with the wedding, and our first night of married life hotel room (thanks mom in law!) -- no, we won't tell you where it is!

The Dress, or How I lost my mind and turned into a "bride"

This is an overdue post that I've been meaning to process for a while. So now as I sit on an overly turbulent (now they call it "rough air" -- can I use to to exfoliate?) flight back from training in Atlanta, I'm catching up.


I tend to be a fairly pragmatic person, so the big expenditures on stuff that can't be re-used isn't my bag. A lot of brides are buying their dresses used on eBay and selling them after the event. How practical! I'm practical! Why, then am I going through making a wedding dress? And why is said wedding dress being made of silks, with hours of handwork? And a dress that can't be reworn anywhere else? A dress I plan to pack away and carry around with me for the rest of my life, in box? Isn't it a waste? What happened to that reasonable girl???


It is not, as one might think, because I majored in fashion design. Hell, I could have designed it and had someone else make it.

Maybe it goes back to the sewing machine. I was very tempted to sew the whole thing on my great-grandmother's sewing machine. The sewing machine I learned to sew on. The one I used through high school. The one I will pass on to my son or daughter one day, along with its story? The story of this machine is fairly personal, but the takeaway is that this machine is made of memories of my grandmother (even though we never used it together) My grandmother is quite a seamstress, as was her mother, and...? before her? I can only guess.

My mother taught me to sew by pinning the seams and sending me off to run the stitches. After each seam, I would return and she would pin the next seam. She says she doesn't know how to sew, I guess because I later ran off to art school to learn how to sew *correctly,* which is a lot more stressful.

Whether she sews or not, she embroiders, tats, knits, quilts, does blackwork, and god knows what else. Growing up, there was always a craft, a scrap, a project, something. When I made my dress for a high school dance, I knew the pride in replying "Thank you, I made it." usually met with surprise.

No surprise. This is what you do, isn't it? You learn from your mother, and she from hers, and so on. And when a baby is born, the ceder chest is opened, and all the things laid out. Grandma so-and-so made this piece of lace. This was the veil I made for my wedding, here is you first communion gown...

So of course you make the wedding dress. And of course it is impractical, and hopefully made beautiful for no reason other than, this is what we do. And it will be worn once, and then kept forever, and someday, I will pull it out of my cedar chest and say "here is the dress from my wedding. I made it of silk, and my mother embroidered it. And then it was put away, and all for the sole purpose of this moment, and all the similar moments that will follow as you pass it down in its bits and pieces along with the fragments of lace, linen, sweat, pride, and memory that I have received from my mothers and grandmothers.



If I had the time, I'd love to hand make every element of the wedding, ceremony, and decor. I love crafts and I like design (duh). But that isn't something I have time for, and I know those fancy flowers won't keep.

But the dress, it has to be impractical. No $200 Target dress will do, nor will selling it so that someone else can use it, to keep it recycled. It is a selfish thing, a manifestation of history and personality and love. A thread in the fabric of my family story.

Impractical? Maybe, but not as much as the beer donkeys I also wanted for the wedding.

Stupid Wedding -isms

for reasons that are probably apparent (to everyone except Paul, who thinks I'm crazy), I have been reading blogs and books and such about weddings lately.

I learned this: everyone has a different idea of what this wedding things should be for them (and sometimes for others)

There are a lot of "shoulds" and trends, and emphasis on trying to create "Your Perfect Day"

Martha Stewart is a clumsy preschooler compared to some of the really nice wedding plan and design stuff out there.

So you get poisoning from reading too much of it. Not because it is, like Drano. More like a bellyache from too much candy. It's OK, but not a good full diet.
After reading too many posts about Out of Town Baskets and Chocolate Fountains (I like my chocolate in its purest form, no fountaining, thank you very much) it is nice to take a look at some of the other end of the spectrum. I tend to fall somewhere in the range of "let's just have a big party," and "Oh! Craft Projects! I LOVE crafts!" So I'm a little bipolar. I think Paul has given up on me.

There are a few really terrible phrases I keep coming across in wedding planning propaganda, that are really really terrible.

My Perfect Day
There is no such thing as a perfect day. Or a perfect anything, *unless* you are able to understand that perfect isn't, so it follows that a little imperfect might be perfect. case in point? Paul is perfect. My mother seemed concerned with this declaration, and asked "surely he must have *some* flaws?" Yes! of course he does! If he were totally perfect, that would be an insult to god. He has just the right imperfections to be perfect for me. Duh. So Your Perfect Day will only be perfect if you are ready to roll with the flaws it will certainly give you. Besides, I like challenges, and surprises, to some extent. That said, I am still demanding dolphins.

The only thing worse that The Perfect Day is The Most Important Day of My Life. OMG. That is really pathetic. This bride ought to be shot at the end of the wedding. After all, it's all downhill from there anyway.

Then we move on to, and I really think this is the tagline that makes the wedding industry the most money "It's the Details that really make The Day Special." Kill me! This was not on the practice PMP test I took today, but:
What makes your wedding day special?
a. monogrammed napkin rings and signature cocktails in your colors
b. That guy, the one you are pledging your undying love to and joining lives with
c. the gathering of your friends and family to celebrate this love and commitment
d. the donkey with a sombrero, and beer in its saddlebags.
e. b, c, & d

Answer?
I'm hoping for "e", but the donkey apparently lives in Texas. (damn, and I think this is the one wedding detail Paul seemed on board with)

Am I getting bitter about weddings? No! In fact, I am enjoying it quite a bit.. I just think it's important to step back every so often as you get swept into all these skewed expectations, commercialism, and weird fantasies.

At the same time, the craft and design loving part of me would love to go ape shit and personally hand paint every invitation, after sewing it together out of scraps from the dress I am making. I want to say "I made everything-- the invitations, the dress, the cake, the chairs you are sitting on, the sun that is shining right now (I needed just the perfect hue of light)-- everything!"

Craftiness aside, I need to keep it fairly simple given other things needing my attention these days. I'm just excited about having a party with everyone there.
Repeat after me! "A wedding is not an elaborate photo shoot. It is the unique story and celebration of you two and the family you are a part of." Or, "it is an excuse to gather your family and friends and wear fancy clothes and eat cake!"

Or something
And a chance to rent a beer donkey.

Why you won't see me in the coming months

Saturday morning we went to the Road Rider parking lot sale, which was a huge waste of time. But, now we now. Unfortunately, time s something I have very little of these days, so that kind of ticked me off.

Where does the time go?

Oh, right, I am getting married. I was not one of those girls who dreamed about her fairytale wedding all her life. In fact, I didn't plan much of anything, and no here we are, with a lot of decisions to be made and work to be done. I got really excited about lot of crafty projects. I was a Girl Scout, and my mom is super crafty, and, um, yeah, I know how to sew, so I feel pretty strongly about wanting to do all these fun crafty things. Plus, art school and all, right? I spent the past few weeks gathering up ideas and starting to formulate ideas. I have a whole schedule of tasks, their dependencies, and a color-coded, sortable, sheer fabulosity, chart for tracking their status.

I got a lot done in the first month or two, and started to feel pretty good about it. I got a lot done on the dress (still lots to go there, but it's something). We made decisions and signed contracts. We were moving and shaking.

Hooray!

Last week I noticed my boss had commited me to earn my PMP by Q3, in a presentation we are making to the muckity-mucks. Yikes! I had an idea that it needed to be done, but seeing the date like that was a little alarming. Plus? When does Q3 end? 3 days after my wedding?

In a way, that is OK because partly I was thinking I should finish before we go on a honeymoon so I do not study on my honeymoon (lame, super lame, and totally something I would do) But there is waaaaay to much preparation that needs to be one to earn this stupid thing. Goodbye to the handmade crafty projects I had envisioned.

The first problem is that I don't even feel that I qualify to take the test. I need to do some serious brainstorming to recall 36 months of non-overlapping projects. (more, if...)

Second problem? I do not know if they will accept my BFA. If not, 36 months turns into a lot more. Then I will definitely not make it.

If I can clear that hurdle, it is just a matter of a few trainings (one is already on the docket, June in Atlanta for three days, but I'll be required to do at least one more) and then a WHOLE LOT of studying. Pages of charts, formulas, the kinds of things I have not been historically good at memorizing. But? I could do it. If I focused on it.

So last week I powered through reading a crash course project management book, recommended to me to read a high-level overview without the PMI jargon and dry reading. This took up a lot of my weekend, though I did find time to work Saturday night at the 80's club and finish up one of the patterns for my wedding dress.

I'm signed up for a three day PMP class in Atlanta the second week of June, and last week they sent me two books to read before the class. One is the Guide to the PMBOK (NOT a fun read, I have tried before) and one is PMP test study tome. I'm supposed to read both of these before June 9th. Thanks, guys! My plan is to read the study guide, as I already know I won't make it through the Guide to the PMBOK. I'll reference the guide during my reading of the study guide. I need to read four chapters a week. When? I have no clue. While I'm sleeping?

I do want to earn the certification. If I do not, it will be bad. If I do it, it will be good. That's easy math. I want to do it, I am just not sure I can do it right now. But I must, and so I guess, it follows I will find a way that I can.

Paul has been amazingly supportive. I had little time to help around the house before. Now, I have none. Zero. He is totally supportive. If we did not live together, this would be impossible, because we would never see each other. At least since we live together I can still see him sitting in the window watching the birdies and squirrels while I study. Getting this done will benefit both of us in the long run, and he knows this. But it hurts to have the days slipping away, saying "no" to hikes and adventures that used to be so fun.

We are chugging ahead!

Saturday morning, I went with Paul and my dad to taste CAKE!
Cake is tasty.
We tried a few cakes and frostings, talked with the nice lady for a while, and then left. And then we got headaches and took a nap. Yay cake for brekkies!

We met with a few photographers and hemmed and hawed at price vs. quality for a few days, and finally settled on the one we preferred. Everything adds up so fast, we were tempted to just go as cheap as possible, but I think this will be the better choice in the long run. Once that contract is signed, we'll be able to move on to CAKE. Cake will be fun. You get to eat it. Of course, the cake tasting and the dress fitting are at odds with each other, so that is very sad. I have no doubt about which will win.

Sunday we went to Berkeley to see Paul's old friends and Paul was rather adorable with the kids. He like the Baby Einstein too!

Wedding Poisoning

I realize they make money off of making me stressed

I felt like we got off to a roaring start, getting decisions made, calling down tent people, caterers, shopping for rings, getting things printed and sent! Oh MY! You've gotten so much done! Then, a lull.

I found a ring I was pretty set on, after being told it could be made in a different metal. Then finding out it couldn't be made in the metal I want, and really? Only available in metals that cost real money. I'd rather pay the artist for their time and talent than the metal they use, but we'll find out today whether I'm back to square one on this one. I'm holding my judgment until I get the final price quote. Paul? Found his ring already. Smart boy.

We found a caterer, about whom we just know he's ben doing this a long time and is a straight-forward, no fuss kind of guy. Food is the single most expensive part of this shindig, and with good reason, I suppose. We really like to eat! Having made a decision on a caterer, we now get to met and plan the details. What will we eat?

There's this whole industry built around weddings, which is a double-edged sword. On the one hand, it makes it easy to get direction on what needs to be done next, and easy access to resources to get it done. On the other hand, it is there to sell you on all sorts of crap you don't need, at ridiculous prices, and make you stressed out in the process. For instance, six months to go and you haven't gotten a photographer lined up? For shame! Aren't you planning on making *Out Of Town Bags* to leave at the hotel rooms of people who are coming from out of town? You ARE going to take Engagement pictures, video and pre-and post wedding pictures (including getting all dressed up in dress and all, a day before the wedding to take pics at several locations around town), right? I'm supposed to be convinced that instead of one big overpriced wedding cake, I should consider individual mini tier-cakes for each guest. Totally.

To answer any questions you might have, and properly set expecations in advance:

1. I do need to find a photographer. Yikes.
2. Out of Towners will be lucky if I give them a map. By email.
3. We are not taking engagement pictures, video, or pre-wedding pictures, boudior pictures, trash the dress pictures, or any other, as-yet-unknown-to-me, "hot new trend" photo-racket. We do want photos of the wedding and party, but photographers are $$$, and we will probably rarely look at these things anyway.
4. I love me some cake. But I prefer eating cake, to looking at it. No icky fondant! yuck!

In poring over wedding-related websites, I have seen some really funny stuff. But if you stare at it too long, it sort of poisons you. Thankfully, I don't have the situation apparently experienced by a lot of other brides-to-be. My family doesn't care what I do, or don't do, and there aren't any "expectations." Everyone already knows I'm an uncivilized lout. We have some guiding principles that are loosely shaping this thing:

1. People > fanciness. We decided early on that our priority was having everyone present that we could, that we'd cut costs on things that don't matter (flowers, bands, purty cake) rather than guest list (which, unfortunately, seems to be the preferred way to manage costs for a lot of people)
2. DIY > throw money at it. I like making stuff. Making stuff can be stressful, and it can be fun. Hiring a DJ seems dumb when we can just use an iPod. Results may be great, or they may be super-janky but they'll be *our* results! I will make my dress, and the invitations, and anything else I can find time for. So if they suck, at least you know it's my fault. That smudge you see on the invites? The stitch out of place on my dress? That's me!

We're terribly excited to share this day with the people who mean the most to us. We may skip out on some of the trappings, but hope you'll enjoy this party as much as we plan to!

you figure it out

what does it all mean?????