Thursday, February 14, 2008

Monday, February 04, 2008

Sunday, February 03, 2008

the girl in the box

the girl in the box, the one you hand money to when you want to get in the nightclub? Here are the things she does not think are cute:
1.) most importantly! There is a line. You have been standing in it. You may have even been rolling your eyes and bitching about the line. Part of the line is standing outside in the rain. What is keeping them in the rain? The speed at which the girl in the box can move them through. It is so not funny that, after waiting in said line, you arrive at the box office and then suddenly realize you need to look for your money, in all of the various pockets of you gigantic purse or over-accessorized goth coat. You had all that time to find your money and instead you spent it wondering why the line moved so slow. You, is why.

2.) "one adult, and one child, please!" OMG, you are so clever.

3.) Any sexual banter. It was kind of funny when the drunk british soccer guys tried to slip me a hotel key, but mostly because drunk people with charming accents are less disgusting than drunk people with no accent. Your comments just make you look like an idiot. I can tell, within the few moments I spend counting out change, which of you will be escorted out by security staff in the next ten minutes after entering. Spending $12 to get thrown out of a bar after ten minutes seems really dumb to me.

4.) After I give you your change, I want you to leave. I don't want to watch you arrange your hair, or organize your purse, or argue with your friend about who is buying drinks, while people are waiting for you to leave the window. Who the hell does this? Your purse is a mess and you're a hideous monster, and no one is going to buy you a drink because you are utterly lacking in charm or grace. Just keep moving and no one will notice this shameful travesty.

5.) Do not ask me what the club is like inside. It should be really obvious that, ummmm, I am not inside. I am, as you can see, in a room roughly 4 x 4 feet. There is a locked door separating me from all the goings-on. I like it this way.
"Are there a lot of people?" I have no idea what a lot is to you. Is 15 a lot because it is more friends than you have? Or is 400 not enough because you know that, statistically, it is only every 401st person who does not throw a drink in your face upon first contact?
"Is it a pretty happening party in there?" I assume you are looking for strippers. There are probably very few inside. And there were some really hot girls, but they already left with some guys who came and didn't waste their time with such questions.
"Did so-and-so show up?" I don't know, and I don't care.
"I'm here for a birthday party." Fabulous. I'm here because someone pays me. Now, your money, please?

6.) I know so-and-so. Really? That is SO COOL. Because I don't. And your name is not on the list.

Friday, February 01, 2008

NTI Hotness

Last Saturday, I went to San Francisco to visit my dentist. My dentist is great. And he has a really swanky office. This is the pond outside of the lobby, which extends under the floor of the lobby with a plexiglass floor so you can see the fish:

I picked up the new mouthguard I had fitted when I went for my last marathon dental session (four or five hours of ripping out old fillings and making new fancy, not-so-breaky ones)

you see, is VERY bad. If you are grinding or clenching your teeth, YOU MUST STOP. Seriously. I had cracked a molar last year, just before I had planned to get the preventative work done. But bruxism is very, very bad. Anyway, the big squishy mouthguards you get at the drugstore are OK to just figure out if you can tolerate anything, but they are way big, and worse,, the squishyness may actually inspire me to clench more. It's like having a chew toy in your mouth. Not all that good. Plus, they get nasty.

The new hotness is the NTI. (yes, I realize the website looks hokey) It is small, and it fits really well. It can not fall off. It actually keeps my back teeth from touching at all, so, no more clenching. It was expensive, but not as expensive as the work I had to get done because I had cracked my teeth.

Thje result has been great. After a first night of dreaming about trying to chew a jelly bean that was in the front of my mouth, I have slept well. My jaw does not hurt. Depending on the war over the next few months, I may actually get the front cut down a bit to make it even more natural feeling (to avoid grinders being able to pop their lower teeth out over their upper teeth, there is a little "rail" thing, which sticks out of your mouth a little when you sleep. But I do not grind.)

Grinders of the world, I heartily recommend this NTI dealie. It is awesome so far.