Now I can finally put Stanford on my resume!

And I won't even be lying!

Last week I completed my Stanford Advanced Project Management certificate. And? I actually really enjoyed the program. Lots of real-world, instantly applicable tools and experience, god exploration of strategy and portfolio, etc., etc., buzzword, etc.
No, really, I got a lot out of it. I've done a bit of project management training in various areas, and found this to be much more useful in my work than some of the more theoretical approaches often taken.

And now, on to the other stuff!

Why you won't see me in the coming months

Saturday morning we went to the Road Rider parking lot sale, which was a huge waste of time. But, now we now. Unfortunately, time s something I have very little of these days, so that kind of ticked me off.

Where does the time go?

Oh, right, I am getting married. I was not one of those girls who dreamed about her fairytale wedding all her life. In fact, I didn't plan much of anything, and no here we are, with a lot of decisions to be made and work to be done. I got really excited about lot of crafty projects. I was a Girl Scout, and my mom is super crafty, and, um, yeah, I know how to sew, so I feel pretty strongly about wanting to do all these fun crafty things. Plus, art school and all, right? I spent the past few weeks gathering up ideas and starting to formulate ideas. I have a whole schedule of tasks, their dependencies, and a color-coded, sortable, sheer fabulosity, chart for tracking their status.

I got a lot done in the first month or two, and started to feel pretty good about it. I got a lot done on the dress (still lots to go there, but it's something). We made decisions and signed contracts. We were moving and shaking.

Hooray!

Last week I noticed my boss had commited me to earn my PMP by Q3, in a presentation we are making to the muckity-mucks. Yikes! I had an idea that it needed to be done, but seeing the date like that was a little alarming. Plus? When does Q3 end? 3 days after my wedding?

In a way, that is OK because partly I was thinking I should finish before we go on a honeymoon so I do not study on my honeymoon (lame, super lame, and totally something I would do) But there is waaaaay to much preparation that needs to be one to earn this stupid thing. Goodbye to the handmade crafty projects I had envisioned.

The first problem is that I don't even feel that I qualify to take the test. I need to do some serious brainstorming to recall 36 months of non-overlapping projects. (more, if...)

Second problem? I do not know if they will accept my BFA. If not, 36 months turns into a lot more. Then I will definitely not make it.

If I can clear that hurdle, it is just a matter of a few trainings (one is already on the docket, June in Atlanta for three days, but I'll be required to do at least one more) and then a WHOLE LOT of studying. Pages of charts, formulas, the kinds of things I have not been historically good at memorizing. But? I could do it. If I focused on it.

So last week I powered through reading a crash course project management book, recommended to me to read a high-level overview without the PMI jargon and dry reading. This took up a lot of my weekend, though I did find time to work Saturday night at the 80's club and finish up one of the patterns for my wedding dress.

I'm signed up for a three day PMP class in Atlanta the second week of June, and last week they sent me two books to read before the class. One is the Guide to the PMBOK (NOT a fun read, I have tried before) and one is PMP test study tome. I'm supposed to read both of these before June 9th. Thanks, guys! My plan is to read the study guide, as I already know I won't make it through the Guide to the PMBOK. I'll reference the guide during my reading of the study guide. I need to read four chapters a week. When? I have no clue. While I'm sleeping?

I do want to earn the certification. If I do not, it will be bad. If I do it, it will be good. That's easy math. I want to do it, I am just not sure I can do it right now. But I must, and so I guess, it follows I will find a way that I can.

Paul has been amazingly supportive. I had little time to help around the house before. Now, I have none. Zero. He is totally supportive. If we did not live together, this would be impossible, because we would never see each other. At least since we live together I can still see him sitting in the window watching the birdies and squirrels while I study. Getting this done will benefit both of us in the long run, and he knows this. But it hurts to have the days slipping away, saying "no" to hikes and adventures that used to be so fun.

Old Gold Mountain

As I type this out, I’m on a flight from Denver to Austin, for a training thing at our Austin office. I love traveling, and I like Austin, but right now? I do NOT have time for this.

I’m of course falling behind in my two classes. My Intro to Networking class is well-organized and easy-to follow, but the subject matter is dry, and the text is absolutely terrible. I do the work and the reading, but don’t have the time and drive to really do the background studying and extra effort to really *learn* this stuff. But just having a basic knowledge and vocabulary will be a good start, so I’m glad I’m taking this class.

The Macroeconomics class, on the other had, is a complete mess. The instructor can’t keep anything straight. Now I’m just trying to get through it with a relatively respectable finish.

And?

As of Tuesday, I have an offer letter in hand for my continued employment. This is a huge weight off of my mind, as of course, mergers and acquisitions often mean lost jobs. And, I really need, and really, really like, this job. I’m hoping to stick around for at least a few years, for several reasons, some of which are obvious (vesting things) but more importantly, I have a lot to learn, and this is the first step into a whole new career. Getting to this point was a big challenge, and involved a stroke of amazing luck, and I did not want to try to hit that combination again. And of course, there’s the team, which I adore. So, in short. I love my job, and I get to keep it at least a little while longer.

And?

After 13 wonderful years, I will be moving away from my beloved adopted hometown. It’s not something I expect anyone who lives in the suburbs to understand at all, but a city like San Francisco is more than a place to live and park my stuff, or have my crash-pad. San Francisco is a lead character in my life. Cities, real cities, function in people’s lives in a way that suburbs cannot. We live in them, our memories, attitudes, habits, and needs become interconnected. We compromise for each other. We create and complete each other. Sometimes we are mad at each other, but we work it out, knowing that we belong. Wandering around on Saturday afternoons, the City offers up secrets to its inhabitants, twisted alleys blanketed in trees, tiny parks overlooking the bridge views, neighborhood bars, a beautiful fountain, or a peek into the living room of its other lovers. These are intimate moments with the city you love. And out in the open, in the crowds, the city holds even more. A walk one morning found a Maori dance in Yerba Buena, and a Chinese Dragon dance a few blocks over in Union Square. The traditions! Just now the city is starting to move toward the frenetic Christmas traditions. All the things I know will come to signal my favorite time of the year: the SPCA’s kittens and puppies in the Macy’s window, the amazing animated displays at Saks, a giant tree in the Square will preside over all manner of craft fairs, from the ugly dental office art to the local crafty types fairs. The streets surrounding Union Square will become a throbbing retail mass, while the in the heart, families from all over the world will stop in the square to quietly admire the tree amidst the chaos.

Two weeks ago, I walked through and found there were free swing dancing lessons there. A few weeks before, free movie screenings.

It’s a dichotomy of living amongst the masses, that we are crammed in to each other and yet this mass feels so private. As I push through the hordes, I feel so calm, so private, so anonymous. Never *alone* but definitely with my own emotional space. Watching the sun come up over the Broadway Tunnel on a morning walk through my neighborhood, I see the cars zipping by below, streams of headlights, each with a private story inside. Here we all are together, crammed in, enjoying our solitude.

And now to think of leaving, the history of memories, smells, sights, tastes…

The cable car home from work, up through the fog on Nob Hill as we approached Grace Cathedral.

Sitting with my sketchbook out on the rocks past the cave at the Sutro Baths

The Ferry Building on a sunny weekend morning, feeding the seagulls buttery pastries, then retiring to the park across the street to visit the parakeets

Yakety-Yak coffee house, now gone, where I produced a fashion show, including the night before of getting a stinky Irish art student to completely decorate the walls in a cave-like collage.

The walk home from King Street Garage after stopping off at 2am and breaking up with a boyfriend.

The old Trocadero… the riot police… the shooting… the shows… riding home with a few coworkers afterward to stop in a greasy spoon in the Tenderloin at 4am

The giant rats that used to be at the Powell Street Turnaround area at night

Going cruising through the Tenderloin to check out the hookers, before they swept all the cool ones

Hiking out to the Presidio, drinks in hand

Parades, street fairs, cultural events. All the time, everywhere you look.

The Easter Morning Ride to Mount Tam, well before sunrise, mobs of motorcyclists waiting at their start points to join the fray as we proceed to Marin (the only time I’ll go)

The walk through Alamo Square at night, among the ornate Victorians

Being attacked by a squirrel in the park in the rain, and the quails inching slowly away from us

Following James up the road through the fog to emerge to the Sutro Tower and Twin Peaks lookout

Everything. All the time. And almost all of my memories of the last 13 years.

Sadly, the city couldn’t keep us. Paul’s career is in the South Bay, and mine appears to be there as well, at least for now. The commute was killing him.

Given our different tastes and needs, downtown city life is not going to work for us as a couple, so we’ve found a decent compromise in an area that is at least connected by transit to what I need. The new place is two blocks from a Caltrain station, so I can come back when I want, but also situated very close to our jobs so we’ll be able to enjoy our time and stop wasting so much time and mental energy lanesplitting our combined 150 miles each day. Being near each other will be not only lovely, but convenient, and free us to pursue things we’ve been shoving aside for a long time. I can’t believe I stopped sewing some years ago. But maybe I needed to stop for a while. Somehow the idea of sewing while Paul is nearby seems fantastical to me, like a weird domestic dream I never could have imagined.

The new place is in probably the most walkable city-esque part of the South Bay, next to Caltrain, and with plenty of restaurants and stores nearby, which is an ideal compromise of what we each need.

And I can’t wait, though part of me wishes to prolong my time in my hometown. Now I look forward to many days sitting at home pursuing my hobbies and studies while knowing that Paul is in the room next to me, that we can be nearby and create a new home and new favorites and new memories together. I don’t expect Mountain View to ever be the leading love-interest character that San Francisco was, that’s not what the suburbs are for. But now I’ll have space to be with my real leading love, and time and space to do the things I haven’t been able to do in the past couple of years.

Don’t ever expect me to love the South Bay though. I was raised there, and I know what it’s about. It’s a place to hang your hat, park your cars, and keep your stuff. It’s a place to landscape, shop, and plan your kitchen remodel. None of this interests me. I don’t need to park my car, and I don’t need to have space for a third bedroom, and I don’t need a yard to make my own personal park. I don’t want an Applebee’s; I prefer the worn in seat at Orphan Andy’s where we retired after many a night closing nightclubs. The food was crap, but we always knew we’d get the same cranky but genuine service. I don’t want the options, parking, and service of Home Depot, I just want the hardware store that is too small to carry much, but where I remember putting in my special order for 36 locks keyed alike for my senior collection. They never asked, because it probably wasn’t the weirdest thing they’d been asked that day. I could give a shit about your McMansion with a three-car garage. You wouldn’t need a three-car garage if you didn’t live in a wasteland, and you wouldn’t need all those extra rooms if you didn’t have to fill your life with crap to make up for the lack of substance and culture.

It’s the quiet moments I’ll miss the most. Most people respond to my hometown with “there’s so much going on there” or “I hate it; there’s no place to park.” “Too many people, not enough space” They don’t know that every Tuesday night returning from Mandarin class, raccoons would scurry across my path on Church Street, and they don’t know the glory of Delores Park on a summer weekend. That I can walk 30 minutes and see starfish, an overlook of the bay from a remote bench in a national park, wild parrots (not where you think). Every so often, you let something show, a little flash of ankle: a sunken ship off Ocean Beach, an earthquake shack, a grave hiccupped from your depths (weren’t they all moved?), Lotta’s Fountain, some twisted metal unearthed at Land’s End... Memories of all the great people that loved you. All the memories of my life forming in random places. (will anyone discover them a hundred years from now?) That just there, I broke a boy’s heart, four hundred feet away, mine was broken too. In that grocery aisle, in that intersection. That’s where I decided I would never put up with that shit, ever again. There, I forgave someone smaller than myself. There, I got good news, and behind that corner, I cried…

All this time, I saw our future together, but it isn’t meant to be. Besides, I remember when Willie Brown sold you like a cheap whore. I felt bad for you then, but now it just gets worse. It’s not your fault. Your spirit is still there, but hidden in quiet places the tourists never see. They criticize you because they don’t know you for who you are. You’re right to hide it, keep some for yourself and those who are willing to make the effort. They love you for all the wrong reasons, but you coyly keep something for yourself. Hopefully you’ll keep a little something for me when I come to be with you again. And I hope I will, but we never know where our lives will lead. I couldn’t have guessed this path, and I don’t know yours, but I’ll always carry the Old Gold Mountain with me, and the part of you that is shared by all your many lovers, over the years, over the centuries.

PMP

I need to pursue professional development programs, ie: PMP Project Management Certification

or other good trainings and certifications


I'm looking for input from someone who has their PMP, about where to start, best paths, good books or classes.

Please to advise.

Whew!

Letter in hand, I still have a job. Mergers and Acquisitions are stressful. As of today, I am on-board! Yays!

I love this job, and want to keep it for a long time!

This is how we roll

moody

I am coming up on the midterm time, and am having a tough time with my two online classes. The Networking class is dry but at least organized. I read a lot of stuff and retain like 10%. If it's something I've been hearing tossed around at work, I retain more like 40%.
Economics, on the other hand? The topic is interesting to me (I chose this class for fun) but the teacher is so disorganized, I can't even tell what's going on half the time. Ugh.

Online classes are really hit-or-miss. These are the third and fourth online classes I've taken, and so far the Econ class has been the worst.

It doesn't help that I am so totally stressed out about the rest of my life that I cannot focus on these.

Work is awesome, but I really feel that I have not learned fast enough. I should be doing a lot better by now, and feel like I'm lagging badly on picking up the other product activations. Learning this stuff needs to be top priority for a while, and I feel I have slipped a bit on this. The Networking class helps, but I just need to, like, study every night or something. I get too easily flustered by customers' jargon and yammering about their environments. Mastery of this needs to be a top priority for me for a while. Anyone want to talk mail servers and firewalls? I could really use the practice and learning.

My own personal situation is pretty well at equilibrium, but at any moment, there could be a major job, health, housing change. Right now, all is well. Do I really need to upset the water, just now, when I'm struggling with the learning curve in my new career?

Today does not seem so happy. I have so much to worry about with what *is* in my control. Networks! ISA servers! Firewalls! Connectors! Whatevers!

Bartender? I'll have a Googletini!

well, gentle readers, now it is official: I work for Google.

today.

There is NO WAY that I could have gotten a job at Google. We've all heard the stories about the hoops you have to jump through, and the creative criteria.

Six months ago, I was at a job I hated in a dead-end industry. I made a choice to jump ship, take a completely new direction, and, AND?????

more importantly?

found a friend who believed in me and helped me make the jump. A few friends, actually.

found a boss who was willing to take a gamble

somehow, found a company I love, with coworkers I'm totally inspired by.

Today, we are being eaten by Google. Here's a new chapter in the adventure. I hope to hang on as long as I can, and convince these people that I can be trained, despite my lack of experience with the matter at hand, and that I will be worth it.

Six months ago, to now, is a complete 360. I have so much to be thankful for. Today it's Clay, who helped me immensely with a small effort and gamble.

Paul's Birthday, and OMG- Stuffed!

Last night was Paul's birthday, so we went to Indigo for dinner, where we opted for the wine dinner (after 8pm, they'll pour as much wine as you like off of a list of like 12 wines, with a prix fix menu) My food was tasty, but it was too much to eat, so most of the dessert course went uneaten.

Fine, after Google food all day, I'm not all that hungry.
There is a ton of food here now, but I mostly avoid the crap. After the initial few days of wonder, I've toned it down quite a bit. Today is like this so far:
8:30 coffee and oatmeal (organic, maple nut)
10:30 about 1/2 cup of nuts (organic, mostly cashews, but with almonds, walnuts, and those big nuts I don't know the name of)
12:30 LUNCH! snap peas (with some teriyaki sauce), salad, and some really tasty fruit (organic: strawberries, kiwi, cantaloupe)


Really, the worst thing is probably the nuts. I shouldn't eat so many. But it could be worse. I mean, just look at what they are tempting us with in the snackroom:








OK, so this is just one of the snack fest areas. There's actually a bigger one upstairs. And every day there is something new. Like yesterday they added an espresso machine. And new cookies. I am declining all of this though. I do appreciate the veggie food though, and the fruit is awesome!


Anywhooo, we enjoyed Paul's birthday dinner and had presents. Paul is impossible to buy things for. What did he get? A new camera? Well, OK, so I'm the one who mostly uses the camera, but whatever. So there's finally a decent camera. Mine sucked and Paul's old one broke last week. So, yay. What else? We are going to look for birds on a whalewatching cruise this Sunday, out by the Farallone Islands. Cool! I don't know why birds go out to watch whales, but I'm not going to argue. Birdies!!!

It started Monday morning, when a new rack went up in the breakroom and a bunch of new food went in.
Then the announcement, we'd be getting Google lunch! Wahoo!
Then more food on the rack Tuesday morning.
And this morning? MORE!
It is a dizzying sight.
Our breakroom isn't all that large. But every time I go in there, there are like 4 people standing in there, just staring at the food, with their mouths hanging open.

I am trying to stick to the more healthful stuff.
Lunch is awesome, and yesterday there was a salad bar. The food is tasty, and mostly organinc, and with lots of vegetarian and healthy options. I am so totally stoked.

This is really convenient for all of us, and we will save money too. If we stick to the good stuff, it can even be more healthy, since a lot of take-out is crap anyway. I am so lazy about bringing lunch, so this is very cool to me.

I also met with the new director of my department yesterday, and I think maybe I could have been more prepared to talk about where I want to go. People ask that now and all I can say is that I want to master this job first. That seems like a steep hill first to me! But I think maybe I'm missing an opportunity there. Huh. Well, I am looking into if/where there might be classes that would bring me more up to speed on some of the technical knowledge I lack.

We may have some fun work coming in in the next week, and I'm very excited. Thus far, I haven't felt all that useful.

Besides useful? Last Friday we did some volunteer work, transplanting plants at the nursery at Fort Funston. This nursery grows all the plants needed for the parks in the area. It was fun (team-building exercise) and we had a nice lunch afterward. The week before that, I spent in Austin getting to know our Austin team and learning about their processes. In austin as here, the people are really nice and they are a wealth of knowledge. I am building my network of people to ask for help when a customer comes with a strange question. I'm thrilled to be working with such a neat group of people.

Koolaid! I totally drank it!

(I wrote this a week ago, and forgot I did not publish it, so here it is now)


So!

It has been one month now and I'm finally ready to talk about my new job.

My last day at the old place was June 8th, and my first day at the new place was June 11th.

I have changed careers completely. I used to work in apparel. Now I work in... tech. Specifically, email, web, etc.... communication security and compliance? That sums it up I guess.

I'm on a brand newish team in a wonderful company, which has been growing fast, and has an awesome product. that works, really, really well, and is very useful, and becoming more useful every day.

The people I work with are geniuses. When they explained the architecture of our product to me, and how it differs fundamentally from our competitors, I was so totally impressed. The way they take care to hire, train, and grow people is awesome. The people are really nice and happy, AND?!?!?!

We are having fun. A lot of it.

Of course, there's the small detail about how I know nothing about the intricacies of setting up servers and janky protocols. Never you mind! I will learn it! This is my big hurdle. I am starting at the back of the pack with my shoelaces tied together, but I will come up to speed. It is stressful, and overwhelming sometimes, but it will come. They knew I wasn't a tech person when they hired me, but I did promise them I was smart and liked to learn, so here we are.

And I have the best boss I've had since Rainbeau. A mentor boss. A sane boss. A "what are your strengths and interests?" boss. Yay!

I baked them brownies. I may bake more this week. I like these people that much.

Why I'm not complaining today

This past Friday I experienced a calm, the likes of which I can't even remember. It makes me sad to think that there is something about me that prohibits me from ever feeling right, and calm, except perhaps in short bursts. Maybe it is really a good thing, that I don't rest, but it is nice, very nice, even if only for a short burst. I'm enjoying this short burst.

Friday morning I gave notice at the job I hate.
I'm accepting a position in a totally different job, in a totally different industry. There won't be anything calm about this, once I get thrown in to the wolves. I fully expect a steep learning curve and a few months of hell while I get up to speed. But for now, I am calm. I feel great. I did a little sewing, and I even enjoyed it.

My new career will start in two weeks, and I don't really know where it will take me, but I'm satisfied that it will be somewhere different. I must have already proved my point, that my degree wasn't wasted, that there is indeed a career for a Fashion degree. There are better careers even, ones I didn't feel like pursuing. Partly I think I didn't want to finally burn that bridge down, maybe thinking it would be a failure. Actually, I don't regret a thing about my college choice, I only wish that I would have been able to do the coop degree with USF, but they thought they knew me better than I did. Screw the Jesuits; they know nothing!

My time at the Academy of Art was some of the best time I've had in my life. I would not trade it for anything. It was the first time I was ever good at anything. I was, really, really good at it. They wanted to send me to France. I didn't go; I'm stubborn, and a creature of habit.


Now I'll be doing something new and challenging, and if I've judged it well, I think it will be something defined by my own work and talents and potentials. I suspect this will grow with me, and be limited mostly by me. Maybe I'm just overly idealistic. Whatever, but I'm calm. For now.


When I gave notice Friday morning, my boss told me it was his worst nightmare. Later, he came back and tried to offer me significantly more money, and a "directorship down the line" with staff, and whatnot. I had to say no. I'll sacrifice the ($15K) for the chance for growth and more later. Financially, this makes no sense. I could very easily stay in my current place for many, many years. The current company has a culture of keeping people forever, growing old, retiring in place. I could make some money, sit in my desk surfing the internet, doing the same thing over and over, learning nothing, growing old and brittle...

Instead I'll be tripling my commute and taking less money, and working hard and risking failure. It just feels better.

It's been so long since I had a coworker I liked, since I felt like a human around the people I see every day. I haven't had a single review since I started at my current job (4.5 years). The culture is a bizarre one of secretive non-communication and finger-pointing. I can't think of a single person to miss, or to be kept in touch with. I can't wait to start fresh, and tell that one story about the time I totaled my first bike (will it get a laugh?), or bring in some homemade brownies, or commiserate about Catholic high school, maybe have happy hour with a coworker, or... something. Anything new and real would be nice.

I'm done with a chapter of my life. I don't think I'll miss the apparel industry.. It made me feel trapped more and more the longer I stayed in it. I started wishing I'd gotten out long ago, couldn't I have gotten so much farther?
Now I can.

I feel calm.

the threat of a brittle brain

I guess it's kind of a good thing, that I'm starting to clench my teeth again. That means the new teeth are starting to fit, and ceasing to hurt? Hope I don't just crack them again. They are essspensive!

So apparently, my boss thinks it's a good thing that this work is unchallenging. As in, he told the office manager as much when she started here about a year ago. Something to the effect of "The pay is good, and there's not much work to do. It's easy." (first off, he's wrong about the first part, but given that he's worked here forever, how would he know that? Actually, his pay is good, it's the rest of us that suffer.) He is basically retired in place here. He has been here for a looooong time, and will never leave. Where would he go? I think after too many years in one place like this, you really can't transfer to new jobs very well. This is one of my driving factors in wanting to jump ship. I could easily stay here forever. They would never fire me and my work would just get easier and easier. But the longer I stay, the more stunted I feel, the less able I am to jump to something challenging. My skills will get stale, my mind brittle. I already wish I could go back five years and start over then. What kind of person would stay in this place for that long? Doesn't he realize that while he finds it a benefit, the younger people in the department keep cycling through because growing old here without growth and challenge scares the crap out of us?

I've been reading a bit about the supposed difference in the workplace between Boomers and Gen X (am I Gen X? I can't remember). There's a lot of stereotyping about Boomers resenting us for job-hopping, and there's the correlational frustration X'ers supposedly have at Boomers for not retiring or letting the Gen X'ers grow into more responsible positions. I do not know if I am an X, but I do have frustration at the idea of staying here forever just to wait for someone to finally retire, all the while being bored and unchallenged. Of course, younger workers are also more accustomed to the idea that the company may just "restructure" us at any moment. That wouldn't happen where I'm at right now, but I almost wish it were a possibility. It would force us to be more nimble, more growth and challenge oriented. It would keep my boss from sitting in his chair thinking only of how to keep from rocking the boat. It would keep my mind active, learning and creating new ways to be useful and productive and eminently un-restructurable.

The water is too still. Aren't there any sharks to slap?

phone screen 3

Texans are a tough crowd.

"Tell me what you know about DNS"
OK (this is the thing that tells you which of the series of tubes...)

When asked what qualities they would seek in this person...
"Patience."



"YES, I CAN DO THAT!" is, of course, the answer to everything.

OK, but I don't kiss on the first interview

I'm told that the job interviewing process can be seen a lot like dating.

In that case, can I just have a beer first?

I mean, I never really got this nervous about dating. I just baked Paul some brownies and that was that. Can I just do that now? I can bake the hell out of some brownies.

I am supposed to have various witty tales of funny things, fabulous things, inspiring things I've done. Most of these involve getting tossed off of a dirtbike several times and then going over the bars in front of a bunch of strangers. (funny, perhaps could be twisted into a tale of perseverance, or just blind stupidity, but, hey, we made it! Teamwork!) Or, as Paul reminded me, that one time I nearly broke a glass over some jackass' head (I didn't, so this might be a wonderful tale of my ability to think clearly under pressure and execute alternative solutions that are more satisfying to all players involved?) There was that one time, at Burning Man... oh, nevermind that one.

Project management? um? No, wait, it's there, I just have to dig for it.

• The James Cornell Fund, definitely. Talk about a motley crew. It's really challenging to work with volunteers, and we did it, and pulled off some wonderful things. I was central to getting these things done, acting as secretary to meetings, creating action item lists, pre-digesting information for people who needed to get work done, but didn't have time to deal with all the other details, finding people and resources to get work done or bring services to events, and pep talking the heck out of some clearly insane people. I pushed completion of a good chunk of those activities and needs. Followed up with vendor-types, worked out details and who could best execute them, planned and ran meetings, gave status reports along the way. Did I mention that most of the people involved were insane? OK, maybe not most, but the vocal minority. Volunteers are a special challenge, and we were all in a very emotional state. And nobody got killed in the process! Yay, teamwork! I did not do this alone. There were other wonderful people working on this.
• Ostensibly, every pant we develop is a little project around here. Which means every day I'm juggling 5 definable projects, and a lot of more nebulous ones (wherein we can't really think of it as a project because it can't be described-- the goal posts move constantly, and there is an odd culture of non-communication here. It's actually a lot easier for me to work with outside customers in many cases)
  
• And I'd love to say the implementation of the Gerber system (which was already here, but not used much) but the fact is, it all fell apart when my boss decided he didn't want to support the use of technology and would prefer the many-paper-napkins-of-information style. (it's an odd work culture around here, and one of the things I find most un-appealing). Oh well, whether they use it or not, I did it, right? I think with the new tools I'm working on, they may be persuaded, since it's a really robust tool, and more flexible and secure than what they are doing now. Well, I can create all good arguments, but some old dogs don't like new tricks. I'm creating a manual for it so that it can continue in my absence, and hopefully grow to use more of its potential.
• Project management might better be expressed through the work we did at my previous job, breaking out large scale sample projects into bits that could be moved around as necessary to be flexible with the arrival of changes or materials, and involving outside vendors.

I'm just thinking out loud.


I guess in order to make it more like dating, I just need to interview a lot of places that I don't really have any interest in, just to get the practice in. there's another good story, about the time I went out with a guy I met in the gutter, just so I could say I went out with a guy I met in the gutter. (for the sake of a good story, I guess) It gets better, it turned out he had been arrested for trying (poorly, very poorly) to rob a bank. It was his own regular branch, and while he was waiting in line to make a deposit or something, he had the brilliant idea that he could just pretend he was armed and get money from them. OK, but A.) they know you already since it's your bank, and B.) you're an idiot and the money was marked. He also asked me if he could watch me drain my carb, because he didn't know how. this involves a tool and one moving part and about five minutes! I told him not to bother, after springing his motorbike out of the slammer from getting picked up for riding without a license. It's a funny story though, right? Worth it, I think.

I guess that's not the sort of story an interviewer is looking for though.

Brownies would be a lot easier.

jobs and careers

I wrote this up earlier and then google ate it. Apparently, they have bugginess when you try to go to blogger from your google home page. I experienced three crashes trying to do this, even after a restart?

Feh.

Second time around writing something up is never as fun.

As I get narrower on my career, and I find that things like "product manager," "product developer," and "project manager" interest me, I'm shifting into the "how to get there" phase more and more. Sometimes these titles seem to overlap, but all require experience, usually specific to their industry, which I lack. I'm an information gatherer and project coordinator, strategizer and problem-solver.

What about this job below as a stepping stone to a more engaging career? It doesn't ask for too much specific experience, and it might have good visibility since this person works with all departments (which I enjoy). The downside is that of course I wish I'd made this move 6 years ago, but I guess there's no time like the present to start over again at the bottom.

I know someone who works at this company, who would be very happy to help me if he can, and even has experience working with me in a project management sort of capacity, and believes in me.

In the meantime, I need to also talk with people who have these jobs I think might be the right career path for me, and ask them how they got there, what they really do, what they like and dislike, etc. Mainly, how can I get on the right track?

So, any hot tips on people I might talk to would also be greatly appreciated.

Thanks!

Job Title:
Activation Specialist I

Key responsibilities include:

• Reviews request mailbox, creates tracking cases in CRM system, folders email for review.
• Processes service moves for partners and partner customers.
• Gathers and organizes information from variety of sources.
• Quickly recognizes errors or unusual events and escalate via the proper channels.
• Trains company Partners on ordering process.
• Troubleshoots and resolve technical and business issues that might delay customer activation.
• Escalates urgent problems requiring more in-depth knowledge to appropriate internal resources.
• Works with multiple departments to gather information for project execution.
• Multitasking and peak performance under pressure.
• Attention to detail.
• Great interpersonal skills.
• Working as a team player.

Required skills:

• Requires a bachelor's degree and 2-4 years of experience in customer support.
• Must have great communication skills, efficient, responsible, professional, work in a team environment.
• Familiar with standard internet concepts within the email and IT world.
• Ability to learn quickly while paying close attention to detail.
• Works under general supervision.
• Salesforce experience a preferred.
• Understands project management concepts a plus.

Compensation:
compensation package consists of salary, equity and attractive benefits. Principals only. No relocation.

How to Apply:
Please email your resume to careers@blahblahblah.com.

Cry for your help

Dear friends and family,
As some of you know, I am currently working through the process of trying to figure out what I ought to do with my life. Again. (If this is news to you: I hate the place my career has taken me. If you're curious, I can explain more to you in detail)

Part of this process involves an inquiry into who I am, and what my true talents are. I have been thinking about it a great deal on my own, but I also think that sometimes we are not best poised to recognize our own talents (and weaknesses) objectively. Because of that, I am sincerely asking for the help of all those who know.

The world is wide open with opportunities and paths, and I'm trying to choose mine.

There's a difference between skills and talents. Skills, I can figure out pretty well: I have fabulous Illustrator skills; I lack cooking skills. That's easy. Talents are harder. I'm told I have a talent for writing; I think I have a talent for learning; I'm told I have a good voice for singing. I feel I lack the talent of negotiation and sales; I'm a really terrible dirtbike rider. Forcing these things, I could get better at them, but the natural talent is not there.

I'm asking now, if you have anything to add to my consideration, please take a moment to give me some input: Is there some talent, skill, or weakness you have seen in me that I might add to my inquiry into what path I might follow? Have you seen me do something better than others might have done it? It could be a practical, defined talent, or something sort of fuzzy and nebulous. Any input is appreciated.

If nothing springs to mind, please disregard this message. I'm not looking for forced answers or a stretch of your imagination. I just know that some of the people I know have a better objective look at me, and would like their valued input.


Thanks for reading, and thanks for helping

tribe

I've detoxed from tribe.net for a few weeks. I realized I was arguing with people I thought were stupid, about things I don't really care about.

That makes *me* stupid.

Besides, I'm busy these days.
I'm back to studying the putong hua again, and spending any other "free" time doing a structured exploration of what the heck I want to do with my life.

I know I do not want to do this any more.
I really just want to work with intelligent, nice people, in a place where I'm challenged and constantly learning, and problem-solving with visible results of my hard work and brainpower.

There, that was easy.

Oh, yeah, boatloads of money and a company car (which I'll promptly crash since I don't know how to drive) would be nifty too. And a free pen with the company logo.

Where should you go, if your home won't have you?

I've come, again, to the conclusion that I cannot afford to live here.

On a day-to-day basis it's all fine, but I know that it can only be day-to-day. Yes, including living in the same apartment, now 11 years, and having to stay here for another 11 or 22, or maybe more like 55?

Rents are too high to move; homeownership is a joke. I have no meaningful gains in earnings in sight.

Staying here means just living day-to-day.

Last year I made a goal and laid groundwork to clean up my financial house. And then I did. But I can see that things being as they are, I can't make any real progress.

About a year ago I started thinking about buying a place. Everyone seemed to be doing it. I guess I figured I was around that age or stage in my life...

But a little research showed something much weirder going on. The majority of these people took out toxic loans, or are living in buildings they bought with strangers... I'm too financially conservative to consider either of these options.

But it will take a long time to correct itself, and I do think prices will remain sticky on the downside, for a long time. I don't know enough for this to matter, but my uneducated guess would be winter of 2008 would be a nice time to buy. Maybe even later.

In case you don't know, wages have been stagnant for several years.
The US savings rate dipped below 0% recently.
Millions of dollars of ARMs are set to adjust next year.
Trillions the year after that.

So it has to come down.

But this is life, not investing. If the best time to buy is in 2011, shall I put my life on hold until then? What if it isn't until 2015? I'll be 38 before I can move out of this apartment?


I don't see any future of much better salaries in my current career path. I don't have a clue what else I can do. I assume I'd have to go back to school, but I don't even know for what? Could I afford to go back to school? Would it be another mistake?

I know there are a few manufacturers in the Seattle and Portland areas I could pursue, but I don't know how the salaries stack up there. I really couldn't see myself living in LA. New York would probably be a similar problem, although I know the salaries there for my position would be nearly double.

The vision I have for my ideal is working in downtown SF, living in the downtown or Potrero Hill or possibly Hayes Valley/Duboce areas... Mainly, specifically, walking to work or taking a bus down Market St. if needed.

But it's meaningless if wages and housing can't line up. I really can't stay.

Times

Sometimes I just have to say to myself "Self, you are having a shitty time right now. Things are bad, you feel like ass, and you've lost all your patience. This is how things are right now, and not how they will always be."

Aside from the whole "busy" thing (two business trips in the past week, and two classes at CCSF right now), there are a lot of unhappy things. Notably, James still isn't ready to go for a ride with me to get that hot chocolate I promised him, and I still have to come to work every day at this horrid place.

I tried the straightforward channels, and now I have to get more creative about the job thing. It's going to reach a head next week, when my boss finds out that the rest of the department is quitting. Which just leaves me here. I do not want to be here, and have not wanted to be here for a long time. But I'm not as flexible as the other two (one is just going home to Indonesia and has no need for a job anyway, and the other is open to moving to LA, New York, or even Shanghai, which looks like the likely place he'll land. Were I open to moving, I wouldn't have a problem either) But I won't leave the Bay Area. But I *really* need out of this job. I won't go into why, but to say that this is a dead end job with people I really don't respect (can't respect, knowing and seeing what I do) and I need to go where I'm challenged and have room to grow. Besides, I'm so bored here. Same thing over and over? Ugh. No sign of ever having a change? Ugh.

Sadly, there are very few places for me to go in this industry. Levi's, GAP, Gymboree are three of the big ones in The City that I'm looking at (but good luck getting your resume in front of an actual person!) and two other places I'm most interested in are Mountain Hardwear (in Richmond) and The North Face (in San Leandro) These two companies would be perfect for me. Really. Remember all the stuff I did when I was in school? Remember how it always had to have functions and complicated parts? Remember how I was the only one there who could pull off such technical stuff? Well, oops, that doesn't mean anything. HR people screen out everyone who doesn't have 5 years experience doing exactly the same thing they are hiring for. Feh. I would be a perfect fit, but how to convince them? How to find someone to convince?

Outside of that, I also have some wish to get out of this industry. I always thought I should be a project manager instead. But what that actually means seems a little screwy, from reading job listings. Need to contact some people and find out what they do, how they got there, how they think I may or may not fit in and get in.

Mostly I just want to work somewhere where I'm learning and helping and growing, and not surrounded by idiots. That is a really tall order in the fashion industry in the Bay Area. I want out. Or, I want into North Face or Mountain Hardwear. Confusing? Well, OK, maybe I don't really know what I want. But I know what I don't want. I'm really clear about that.



I won't be able to be happy until I get out of this job.
Besides that? James is in San Francisco, but when I went to see him, it was way too crowded, and I hate putting up with other people's bullshit.
I want to see James, not really to see anyone else. Honestly, I've just never been very personable, so I have to be asked like ten times if something is wrong or I'm angry. No, I'm not, I just have hit the bottom of my tolerance for other people. I put up with a lot of personality bullshit when we were doing the events to raise money recently, and I had two rude emails from one of you, got yelled at and hung up on by another one, on the same fucking day. Did anyone ever apologize? No. Did I ever call you out on it? No. I powered through the task at hand. But now, I have no taste left for working with this group. It will take some time for me to come back to it, and then it will be different. I know this is important, but so is my sanity. I have other things going on in my life. I'm tired of making nice to you.

Since I was out a lot in the past week (Milwaukee and Las Vegas, both for work) I'm a little behind on my classes. But for the record, I'm taking my third semester of Conversational Mandarin (which I feel behind in, since many of the other students are already pretty fluent) and my first internet/html class. That one is an online class, hopefully one I'll have more success in than the Chinese Characters online class I dropped this summer.

I have to say this has been a challenging few months. This year is shaping up to be a big downer, on a grand scale. Not good times. But they can't always be. There are the ups, and the downs, but mostly I have it pretty damn good. I have the most wonderful man in the world waiting patiently for me to come down from my stress. Somehow he knows I have to keep pushing. It's not like I have to take classes in my "free" time. But I hate the idea of sitting still, of stopping learning. I don't want to stay where I am, at this job, getting older and staler. I have to keep expanding my education and skills. He knows this. He knows I have to keep going to meetings about James and doing fundraisers. He knows I have to do this even though the politics and personalities drive me up the wall. He pretends to listen when I come home and download all of this. Paul even understands my deep connection to my family, spending time with my dad, and mowing my grandparents' lawn in the boiling sun.

So as bad as times get, and they have been on a downswing, I still have it better than most. I still have so much, and so much to look forward to, in better times.

but if you're trying to deal with me now, you might find me less pleasant. Unless you can help me find a cool new job. Then I'll be your best friend, and bake you brownies.