Seriously, I could cutabitch

• "Oh get all the sleep you can now because you won't be getting any after the baby is born." This is tragically wrong. I can't sleep. I haven't had a good night's sleep in months. Last night? I couldn't sleep for several long stretches, but I know I slept a little in between because I HAD DREAMS ABOUT NOT BEING ABLE TO SLEEP. And then I woke up again, a million times. I have to pee, and my hips ache terribly. When I sleep n my back for a bit, I have to worry about all the crap people said about not sleeping on your back, plus the lower back pain. Then I'm getting kicked, repeatedly, for about 30 minutes (hiccups?). Then I try to roll over onto the other hip to see if it hurts less, only to find that it hurts my round ligaments. Seriously, your advice is stupid, uninformed, pointless, and makes me angry because I'D LOVE TO FUCKING SLEEP ALREADY. But it's not an option. So shuttup.
  
• "Oh is that your weird pregnancy craving?" Yeah, you know what? I crave junk food. Especially sweets. You know what I craved before I was pregnant? Junk food, especially sweets. It's pretty stupid that you are trying so hard to fit my life into your tired jokes about weird things pregnant women do, that you're considering my wanting cake "one of those weird pregnancy things." I was actually kind of looking forward to more creative cravings... pickles and ice cream, or dirt, or something. But in reality, it's just the same shit I've always wanted. Plus lots of water. I'm insanely thirsty all of the time.
• Bonus for all the asshats who said I would surely give in to craving meat. Not only was that a big "no" (never a single craving) but you get the added asshatedness of basically saying "your pregnancy will surely make you decide to do something you find morally repulsive. Just you wait and see, you silly thing." Yeah, and next time you have the flu, I'm sure I'll find you calling up your sister for a blowjob. Ick? How could I suggest something so... wrong? Exactly.
  
• "You can't have that!" Said to me as I raise a glass of coffee to my lips. Really? Watch me. And if I can't drink it, I'm gonna throw it in your face.
• (smug face) "oooohhhh, you just wait, you have no idea.../you're in for it/blah blah blah" (smug chuckle). I have no idea what you said because all I heard was "I'm so smug and you are so clueless. Hah haw haw. And also you are so foolish and I am so smug. And furthermore, look at how smug and condescending I am" These people need to consider why they are talking to me, because I'm at worst planning how quickly I can never talk to them again, or at best I am gritting my teeth while internally screaming at the top of my lungs to never hear anything they say to me again. So congratulations on being someone I hope to tune out or just avoid in general. I'm guessing these people think they are being funny or just seeming wise, but really consider whether patronizing comments and condescension is something anyone in your life is going to respond to. Even if I didn't just dismiss your every word because you're a jerk for being so rude, I guess you're hoping I'd just feel bad that my life was going to end and you thought it was a big joke? No one is thinking "wow, I am so glad that wise old owl pointed out the obvious." Besides, no one has any idea what they are in for ever. EVAR. I'm not a fucking idiot. And yes, I am going to do cloth diapers. Yes I am going to keep riding my bike after I fall off. Yes, I am going to be a vegetarian. I remember being told that I was foolishly entering those thing too. Guess who had no idea? When has being smug and patronizing ever strengthened your interactions or relationships?
• Do I know you? Don't make me grab your crotch to prove my point.
• Anyone blaming my reaction towards them on pregnancy. Nice, easy out for you, but, no. My temper is about the same. Sometimes I am even less temperamental lately. If I think you're an idiot, it's because I think you're an idiot. Are you a teenager who refuses to move their bag to share a bus stop bench with visibly pregnant or disabled or old or tired people (or, hell, anyone is not a fucking bag?!?!)? You're an ass! Are you a guy who can't seem to do your job despite being told a billion times in simple terms how to do it, then trying to throw me and my team under the bus? You're an ass! And you're lucky I don't have the time to make it a personal goal to get you fired. (it crossed my mind) Are you otherwise being blithely self-centered or wasting my time? I have a lot of shit to do. Get out of my way. Thanks. PS: I can lose this weight and will not be pregnant soon, but you will still be an ass. What will you blame it on then? Blaming someone's reaction to your behavior on pregnancy is right up there with saying "oh, she's disagreeing with me. Must be that time of the month." It's just a way for people to dismiss a woman's thoughts by blaming them on some hormones. Women just can't control themselves, you see, and if they don't mesh with what you want, it must be due to female troubles. Not because she has a valid point.

I've gotten so much advice about what I *should* do, or what I should feel guilty about not doing, I really could give a shit what most people have to say at this point. I had planned to work up until I popped, but I realized that the closer I got to my due date, the more work people kept piling on my plate. Giving myself a week or two off before the due date may actually mean I can catch up on some stuff. I was scheduled to do my driver test this week but I had to cancel it because it's just one more thing I haven't had time to prepare for. No shit I should do that because "what if my kid needs to go to the hospital?" I'm not a moron. I just have 4 billion things on my plate. And the stress is too much. Keep your comments about my weight or my diet to yourself-- my doctor is happy and I think he's delivered many more babies than you have. If you want to share your happy or fucked up birth story with me, I'm perfectly happy to listen, but that's pretty much all I'm going to do. I love hearing about the experiences and learnings of my loved ones, but everyone is different, and yours is just one data point. I like hearing about motorcycle wrecks too but no one should expect me to stop riding because they had a bad time of it.

Pregnancy is a stupid and unlikely thing. If there was ever an argument against "intelligent design" I think human gestation would be it. And if you survive it, you get this half-formed thing that still isn't really baked yet. Yay?
Anyway, every pregnancy is different, and you just get what you get (and probably won't like it-- if you do, you're a weirdo)
This one has been pretty easy so far, comparatively. I've been mostly able to barrel ahead with my life in general and keep on task. (outside of running, which, despite my best researched plans, I had to give up after some severe round ligament pain early on) Paul and I have managed to have a lot of fun in between (offroading! Ice caves! Ice cream!) We're not "Ready" for a baby any more than anyone ever is. Who cares? We are ready! Shark slapping time!

Among my early confessions of terrible motherhood:
I'm not banking cord blood, I'm not getting on the waitlist for the good preschools. I'm not eating all organic, I'm eating a little too much of this and not enough of that. I have allowed, neigh, invited, beer to pass my lips. I didn't give up motorcycles until I was several months pregnant, and I have every intention of going out and wrecking again. I won't be bragging about her early attainment of random development milestones, and she'll probably end up a latchkey kid at some point. I will occasionally (if not regularly) swear in front of her, and I will let her eat dirt pie. I will probably bring my work home with me, and there will be times when I just let her cry it out. I didn't think her ultrasounds were cute, and I have no intention of decorating her nursery.

I won't do the things I am supposed to do to give her everything.
I already did the most important thing I can do for her: I found her a wonderful father, and we loved her very much.
Everything else is just window dressing.

My 10 hour honeymoon with Comcast=OVER

Update: I tried following their instructions, which didn't work. I tried using their chat support person, who finally told me "I have tried to turn it off on my end and did get errors" and I tried telling them I'd done all of this and including the chat transcript, to which they sent me back a canned answer pointing to the original docs. When I replied saying obviously you didn't read my email, so let me repeat my complaint and for good measure sent them a screenshot, then????

They finally told me that they don't support Macintosh. Which? has zero to do with DNS or why the stuff wasn't showing up in their little user settings console. (I knew this but just to be a good little user, I tested by using Paul's Windoze machine, with Internet Exploder, and it still wasn't there) But let it be a warning to any other Mac users out there: Comcast doesn't want your business, and the opt-out service (and who knows what else) are not supported for Macintosh. And they won't tell you this up front.

"After reviewing your email and checking my resources, I found out that the disable option is not available for Macintosh and likewise Intel Mac OS X 10.5 is not yet supported by us as of this time. Most Mac-compatible features of Comcast High-Speed Internet (CHSI) should work with Leopard; however, as Leopard is not yet officially supported by Comcast, there may be some Mac-compatible CHSI products that will not work. I do apologize for any inconvenience this may cause."

In case anyone besides Comcast is living under a rock, Leopard was released over 2 years ago-- not exactly bleeding edge.

Here's what I want from an ISP: send my fucking packets. The way you're supposed to. Not redirecting them to some craptastic site that makes you more money and wastes my time. The way I have my settings in my browser should be the way things work. I just want the intertubes. To send my stuff through. Not your "service" that you won't allow me to opt out of. I don't want any of your vaguely mentioned "Mac-compatible CHSI products that will not work." NO products, please! Just Internet Service. Tubes. Or, a dumptruck, or whatever.


Solution:
http://code.google.com/speed/public-dns/docs/using.html
Took me ten minutes, set it at the router level, and so far, so good. I trust google not to override my choices. I may be biased, but they have not done me wrong so far.


Update: 10 minutes later, I recieve my first bill from Comcast, and they are already trying to overcharge us. The recurring service they are trying to bill me is $15 more than we agreed on. I saved the original chat with the original number, but I'm guessing this is why they've been so opaque all along.

the girl in the box

the girl in the box, the one you hand money to when you want to get in the nightclub? Here are the things she does not think are cute:
1.) most importantly! There is a line. You have been standing in it. You may have even been rolling your eyes and bitching about the line. Part of the line is standing outside in the rain. What is keeping them in the rain? The speed at which the girl in the box can move them through. It is so not funny that, after waiting in said line, you arrive at the box office and then suddenly realize you need to look for your money, in all of the various pockets of you gigantic purse or over-accessorized goth coat. You had all that time to find your money and instead you spent it wondering why the line moved so slow. You, is why.

2.) "one adult, and one child, please!" OMG, you are so clever.

3.) Any sexual banter. It was kind of funny when the drunk british soccer guys tried to slip me a hotel key, but mostly because drunk people with charming accents are less disgusting than drunk people with no accent. Your comments just make you look like an idiot. I can tell, within the few moments I spend counting out change, which of you will be escorted out by security staff in the next ten minutes after entering. Spending $12 to get thrown out of a bar after ten minutes seems really dumb to me.

4.) After I give you your change, I want you to leave. I don't want to watch you arrange your hair, or organize your purse, or argue with your friend about who is buying drinks, while people are waiting for you to leave the window. Who the hell does this? Your purse is a mess and you're a hideous monster, and no one is going to buy you a drink because you are utterly lacking in charm or grace. Just keep moving and no one will notice this shameful travesty.

5.) Do not ask me what the club is like inside. It should be really obvious that, ummmm, I am not inside. I am, as you can see, in a room roughly 4 x 4 feet. There is a locked door separating me from all the goings-on. I like it this way.
"Are there a lot of people?" I have no idea what a lot is to you. Is 15 a lot because it is more friends than you have? Or is 400 not enough because you know that, statistically, it is only every 401st person who does not throw a drink in your face upon first contact?
"Is it a pretty happening party in there?" I assume you are looking for strippers. There are probably very few inside. And there were some really hot girls, but they already left with some guys who came and didn't waste their time with such questions.
"Did so-and-so show up?" I don't know, and I don't care.
"I'm here for a birthday party." Fabulous. I'm here because someone pays me. Now, your money, please?

6.) I know so-and-so. Really? That is SO COOL. Because I don't. And your name is not on the list.

Picture from the Chronicle


This outrages me.

I am not a boat specialist, so maybe someone else can explain to me why the hell freighters are always running into shit and then dumping their oil loads with the slightest puncture in their hulls? Is it necessary to design these things such that the water is separated from 58,000 gallons of oil by a thin sheet of tissue paper?

When I read the initial report, this was a minor incident. A day later, it became clear that that had been absolute bullshit. This is a MASSIVE spill, in a very delicate enclosed marine environment. I just can't believe this is right here in our backyard. Where we have walked on many occasions to observe and enjoy these very birds.

As the past few years we've been making an increasing habit of visiting the marine birds, this depressed me terribly. The Bay had been changing right in front of our eyes-- just in the past few years, the life there had really taken off. It seemed the birds and wildlife had been making a comeback, and then some dipshit with a recent history of running ships aground in the Bay Area runs a freighter into the Bay Bridge? Like it was a tight spot? No one has run into these towers in the 70 years the bridge has been open!

The birds and marine life we have been lucky enough to keep in the Bay Area are so delicate, and so beautiful, and so needed... If we can't design boats better, why the hell are we floating them into such a dense habitat?

Not that I think we couldn't design boats better. I just think no one wants to. Except, maybe the birds want us to?

Tyranny of crappy majority

OK, fucking goddam windows time.
Yesterday I downloaded the Gerber Manual that I'd emailed myself from home, and was working on it in Word all day, saving frequently. Today I can't find it. I think it must have gone into a TEMP file, since I opened it from an email? So where is it? Did I just lose all my work? What the fuck is wrong with Windows? If I download something and work on it all day and save a bunch of times, isn't it fucking obvious that I WANT it?!

Fuck you windows! Maybe if I have something open and am working on it all day and "saving" it, that means I want it. Whst exactly did you mean by "save" because clearly it didn't mean "save" as we know it.

I just lost an entire day of important work.

Fuck you very much Windows.

49 CFR Part 571.108 S7.9.4, oh, and plus you're a Squid!

Bottom line, officer Mr. Moustache:

I will NEVER. NEVER. listen to a motorcycle safety lecture given by a guy who rides a bike known for it's poor handling and braking, wearing a half helmet and essentially a T-Shirt. NOTHING you say to me, from "do you know why I pulled you over," to the "motorcycling is a blast, but is is dangerous," to the "be careful pulling back into traffic," will register with me AT ALL. I make fun of people like you all day long. "Haha, look at that dumbass wearing a T-Shirt and no gloves on his motorcycle!" You, sir, are a well paid SQUID.

Hello? Motorcycles are dangerous? I am dressed head to toe in a full faced helmet, heavy textile gear of a high quality brand, including CE-approved armor, the best gloves I believe you can buy, and eye-talian CE approved riding boots. Every bit of me is covered. You? Might as well ride naked. Except you've got big boots. Yay for you. You'll have no face and no arms and a ton of roadrash when you crash, but at least you'll be able to walk home. Have fun picking that short-sleeved polyester shirt out of your skin. Nevermind, it will probably be melted in.

"When someone changes lanes on you, you won't be able to stop. You just won't." Um? Speak for yourself, jackass! I'm not the dipshit riding the 4 million pound Harley. YOU won't be able to stop.

Finally, the last reason I won't listen to the rest of your lecture? You're flat out wrong. Headlight modulators ARE legal, and the fact that you don't know that means I don't respect the law portion of you lecture either. I always figured cops would just respect me a little more for taking the effort to be visible and use my LEGAL modulator for such. Not you! You're offended, self-righteous, and most importantly, WRONG. It was funny that you gave such detail about how and when and how many feet. All those incredible details that YOU MADE UP.

"I wasn't aware of that, officer. I was not aware that they were illegal." Specifically, I WAS aware that they ARE legal, but will get a sense of satisfaction when I hand the judge a bit of legal code in court making you look like an ass. Oh, and it is federal code, not CVC. So good luck with that.

Title 49 USC 30103(b1) (US Codes) prohibits any state from forbidding a system that conforms to FMVSS 108.

S7.9 Motorcycles. Each motorcycle shall be equipped with a
headlighting system designed to conform to the following requirements.
S7.9.1 A motorcycle manufactured before September 1, 2000, may be
equipped with--
(a) A headlighting system designed to conform to SAE Standard J584
Motorcycle Headlamps April 1964, or to SAE Standard J584 April 1964 with
the photometric specifications of Figure 32 and the upper beam
aimability specifications of paragraph S7.9.3; or
(b) One half of any headlighting system specified in S7.1 through
S7.6 which provides both a full upper beam and full lower beam. Where
more than one lamp must be used, the lamps shall be mounted vertically,
with the lower beam as high as practicable.
S7.9.2 A motorcycle manufactured on or after September 1, 2000,
shall be equipped with--
(a) A headlighting system designed to conform to SAE Standard J584
Motorcycle Headlamps April 1964 with the photometric specifications of
Figure 32 and the upper beam aimability specifications of paragraph
S7.9.3; or
(b) A headlighting system that conforms to S7.9.1(b).
S7.9.3 The upper beam of a multiple beam headlamp designed to
conform to the photometric requirements of Figure 32 shall be aimed
photoelectrically during the photometric test in the manner prescribed
in SAE Standard J584 OCT93 Motorcycle Headlamps.
S7.9.4 Motorcycle headlamp modulation system.
  S7.9.4.1 A headlamp on a motorcycle may be wired to modulate either
the upper beam or the lower beam from its maximum intensity to a lesser
intensity, provided that:
(a) The rate of modulation shall be 240 40
cycles per minute.
(b) The headlamp shall be operated at maximum power for 50 to 70
percent of each cycle.
(c) The lowest intensity at any test point shall be not less than 17
percent of the maximum intensity measured at the same point.
(d) The modulator switch shall be wired in the power lead of the
beam filament being modulated and not in the ground side of the circuit.
(e) Means shall be provided so that both the lower beam and upper
beam

[[Page 318]]

remain operable in the event of a modulator failure.
(f) The system shall include a sensor mounted with the axis of its
sensing element perpendicular to a horizontal plane. Headlamp modulation
shall cease whenever the level of light emitted by a tungsten filament
light operating at 3000[deg] Kelvin is either less than 270 lux (25
foot-candles) of direct light for upward pointing sensors or less than
60 lux (5.6 foot-candles) of reflected light for downward pointing
sensors. The light is measured by a silicon cell type light meter that
is located at the sensor and pointing in the same direction as the
sensor. A Kodak Gray Card (Kodak R-27) is placed at ground level to
simulate the road surface in testing downward pointing sensors.
(g) When tested in accordance with the test profile shown in Figure
9, the voltage drop across the modulator when the lamp is on at all test
conditions for 12 volt systems and 6 volt systems shall not be greater
than .45 volt. The modulator shall meet all the provisions of the
standard after completion of the test profile shown in Figure 9.
(h) Means shall be provided so that both the lower and upper beam
function at design voltage when the headlamp control switch is in either
the lower or upper beam position when the modulator is off.
S7.9.4.2(a) Each motorcycle headlamp modulator not intended as
original equipment, or its container, shall be labeled with the maximum
wattage, and the minimum wattage appropriate for its use. Additionally,
each such modulator shall comply with S7.9.4.1 (a) through (g) when
connected to a headlamp of the maximum rated power and a headlamp of the
minimum rated power, and shall provide means so that the modulated beam
functions at design voltage when the modulator is off.
(b) Instructions, with a diagram, shall be provided for mounting the
light sensor including location on the motorcycle, distance above the
road surface, and orientation with respect to the light.
S7.9.5 Each replaceable bulb headlamp that is designed to meet the
photometric requirements of paragraph S7.9.1(a) or paragraph S7.9.2(a)
and that is equipped with a light source other than a replaceable light
source meeting the requirements of paragraph S7.7, shall have the word
``motorcycle'' permanently marked on the lens in characters not less
than 0.114 in. (3 mm) in height.
S7.9.6 A headlamp system shall be installed on a motorcycle in
accordance with the requirements of this paragraph.
S7.9.6.1 The headlamp system shall be located on the front of the
motorcycle.
S7.9.6.2 (a) If the system consists of a single headlamp, it shall
be mounted on the vertical centerline of the motorcycle. If the headlamp
contains more than one light source, each light source shall be mounted
on the vertical centerline with the upper beam no higher than the lower
beam, or horizontally disposed about the vertical centerline and mounted
at the same height. If the light sources are horizontally disposed about
the vertical centerline, the distance between the closest edges of the
effective projected luminous lens area in front of the light sources
shall not be greater than 200 mm (8 in.).
(b) If the system consists of two headlamps, each of which provides
both an upper and lower beam, the headlamps shall be mounted either at
the same height and symmetrically disposed about the vertical centerline
or mounted on the vertical centerline. If the headlamps are horizontally
disposed about the vertical centerline, the distance between the closest
edges of their effective projected luminous lens areas shall not be
greater than 200 mm (8 in.).
(c) If the system consists of two headlamps, one of which provides
an upper beam and one of which provides the lower beam, the headlamps
shall be located on the vertical centerline with the upper beam no
higher than the lower beam, or horizontally disposed about the vertical
centerline and mounted at the same height. If the headlamps are
horizontally disposed about the vertical centerline, the distance
between the closest edges of their effective projected luminous lens
areas shall not be greater than 200 mm (8 in.).

Are you going to eat that?

This rant about breakfast foods and marketing is quite funny, and spot on. I have for the past few months been eating a bowl of oatmeal at my desk every morning, and though oatmeal isn't on the chart, I would wager it would outperform the cheerios, based on nothing other than my general rule that the more processing, the worse it is for you. I think I feel better these days? Skipping breakfast made me lazy all day, and eating at my desk is a nice way to say "yes, I could do this at home on my own time, but I choose to do it here, on your time." 'Nuff said! Actually, eating at the office just makes me more consistent about actually having breakfast, and helps me settle into my day. I put in more hours here than anyone else, so no complaints.

The tagline "Cheerios - better for you than starvation" is pretty funny, and why not?

We watched Super Size Me recently, and while I really think the guy was hamming it up for the camera, there was a lot in the movie that was, in my mind, pretty clear. The doctors' reactions halfway through the movie were funny, the kind of funny that only happens when someone you don't know is causing himself possibly irreversible bodily harm.

Why do we eat so much crap?

I love food. Have you seen my family? We are champion eaters. Eating is a ritual, it's what we do to connect, to visit, to show love. I am in no means wanting to give that up. But we don't have to eat absolute crap.

(actually, my family rarely eats fast food, generally only on the way to grandma's house when we use the Burger King bathroom, and my mom feels guilty if we don't give back by buying something. But I recently pointed out that we were supporting them already with our tax dollars in terms of all the treatments for obesity which they caused.)

It worries me that so many people eat all these processed foods on a daily basis. I mean, sure, every once in a while, here and there, fine. But it's clear that it has become a majority of our "meals." Do people even know where food comes from anymore? I can't pronounce any of these ingredients. Here are a few of my rules about what I feel OK eating (not to say I don't eat other things, but I have goals)

1.) I'd rather eat the full fat, traditional yummy version than the "diet" version. I KNOW I should not eat cake and cookies. So I will have a small amount, and enjoy the heck out of them. The "diet" version gives the message "it's OK, it's DIET, eat all you want." It's not OK, it's still crap. And the real version is more satisfying, so I will eat less of it.
2.) Ideally, I can not only pronounce all of the ingredients, but I could actually draw you a picture of, if not the ingredient, at least where it came from (Honey is hard to draw, bees are much easier, and cuter.) If I had kids, I would practice drawing the food they eat. Encourages creativity as well as awareness of your food.
3.) The more marketing, the worse it is for you. Companies that process the hell out of their foods, and fill them with cheap crap have the most money left for marketing. Milk, lettuce, and rice have no big budgets, because they are too simple and close to the farmer to have such deep pockets. A good sign that it's bad, is that you can remember the TV jingle or mascot. Food shouldn't need a mascot.
4.) Anytime you can buy something from the person who made it, that's a good thing. I have experienced this with chocolate, ice cream, various fruit and vegetable stands, and of course, a lot of wine. (A lot. Really)


This is a real problem. All those kids stuffing their faces at McDonalds, or chowing down a bag of potato chips every day? Costing me money. Health care costs are through the roof, and we can't even hope to have universal health coverage when we are causing so much heart disease, type II diabetes, liver damage, and an endless list of other diseases, ON OUR OWN, with the crap we stuff in our pieholes. It's hurting families, who have to suffer, emotionally as well as financially, through the diseases people bring upon themselves. Health care spending is choking social welfare programs and business, in turn destroying our country's ability to stay solvent. At the top somewhere, a few "food" companies are profiting while the rest of us destroy ourselves, our country, and our families.

We don't have to buy this crap.
At least not so much of it.

These days, I try to be a little more mindful of the way what I eat changes the way I feel. Mood and energy levels are greatly affected by foods. Some foods make you feel more full, while some additives actually make you more hungry (do you need that? I sure don't.)

I still eat the hell out of some ice cream, dark chocolate, beer, and pizza. But I go for the simpler ones, ice cream from our local shop that makes it by hand with simple ingredients. dark chocolate without Hershey-style additives and fillers, beer and pizza, I haven't quite figured out yet.

Everything, in moderation.