So anyone who actually knows me, knows that I don’t really date. As I like to say, "dating and me are un-mixy things." (stolen and paraphrased, yes)
Charles may remember when I gave it up, like two or three years ago, and maybe he even remembers the string of boys that made the reason. (bank-robbing, DUI’s, and bad grammar were all involved.) It's actually more complicated (and less reactionary) than that, but it just SOUNDS better this way. Anyway, and yeah I made an exception for Eric. But, he was so nice, and, DREAMY. (but incredibly well-behaved/boring, oh, well.)
Last summer I was having breakfast with a friend of mine, for his birthday, a friend who had on many occasions attempted to convince me to go out with him, and he says to me, something like, "I don’t think I’ve ever met this boyfriend, I think you made him up so I would stop hitting on you." I assured him that was not the case, and then realized that it was sheer genius, and kind of wished it was true.
99% my friends are guys, and ALL of the close ones are. Which gives us the perfect setup for the stunt-date. Slightly different from the safe-date, which is essentially the gay guy you bring to weddings and such.
The stunt-date, just like any stunt double, is the stand-in for the stuff that might be risky or difficult otherwise. It allows you to do all the things you want with none of the bullshit. I’ve played stunt-date to friends who recently went through breakups and needed a jealous ex, and those who needed to be left alone by stalker-types. Recently spent the better part of a weekend with a stunt-date whose actual girlfriend is very very far away. (I went home in the evenings, thank you. I’m always a true gentleman.) Don’t have time or energy for a girlfriend? Don’t want the nagging and curfues? Want to still go out and get numbers? Get a stunt-date.
It’s a lot easier for me to deal with, and doesn’t traumatize friendships. (maybe some day I’ll make an entry about my theory on why you should not have sex or "get involved" with people you actually like or care about. I’ve been explaining that to bewildered people for years.)
However, for the record, that same friend, that thought I made Eric up, has, as of this morning, cancelled his second big stunt-date with me. Last year, he broke up with the girl and wanted someone to make her jealous at some concert. Dinner and a ride and all that shit, just come with me so I don’t feel terrible seeing her… and then cancelled a couple days before. And now, same thing, dinner, some concert, all that, and a couple of days before, cancelled. This time he admitted to me that it seemed a bad idea because "on some level, I am attracted to you, and might try something stupid." In this case, I’m a little relieved because I didn’t want to go, and had other stuff I wanted to do that night.
However, I’m not really sure how I should feel about being dumped by someone I wouldn’t actually go out with in the first place.
More time for me!
And today I rode, in the East Bay, finally found a tour guide, made some miles… the roads there are just not as interesting. I can see the sportbike appeal. I kept up ok until the road opened up, and I made the mistake of hesitating, and then it was all over. Once you roll, off, it’s ten minutes to get back up to speed! See you guys on the other side!
But I did see a goat. And that made it all better. And watched my friend do stupid shit on his bike, terribly amusing.