Thursday, February 19, 2004

Why I did not respond to your “add as friend” request: (Myspace)

First of all, it’s because I DON’T KNOW YOU. Can’t you fucking people read?
However, if that seems incomprehensible to you, please consider the following reasons why I won’t even write you back:

-You have over 100 friends. It’s clear to me that you don’t know even 10% of them. Or, they are all silicone calendar girl types.

-YoU tYpE lIkE tHiS, or u spell like dis, cuz yer so kewl. If numbers appear in words, you are a moron. Go back to school. Get some help.

-Egregious facial hair.

-Your profile picture is of your car. I hate cars. I hate materialism. This is both.

-You’ve got a million comments from these friends that you don’t know. 90% of them are about how sexy you are, and from people you’ve never met. Back and forth banter from members of the opposite sex fighting over who gets to sleep with you? You are a giant loser. If you could get them to fight over you in real life, you wouldn’t be posting it here.

-You made some retarded come-on, or sexual comment.

-You think I would look good on the back of your bike. Unfortunately, I can’t say the same of you. I’m looking for just the right fender fluff.

-You have a bunch of anti-jew crap in your profile (for real, I got one of these) Fuck you. That is all.

-I’ll overlook the Harley, but I will NOT overlook the chaps.

-You write “poetry.”

-Your profile has a bunch of HTML. My attention span did not allow me to wait for your shit to come up.

-You refer to women/girls/chicks/whatever, as "ladies." ick.

-The non-word "LOL" appears in your profile, even once. Or, it appears more than twice in any friends' comments.

-You introduce yourself as being in an "open relationship." That's your business, and I really don't care, or judge you for it. But if you bring it up, I'm going to assume you're after something, and I'm completely uninterested in getting involved in that shit. Despite doing my best to not be judgemental, I'm going to find you creepy, and a little sad.

And a bunch of other stuff I can’t even think of.
I’ll be updating this as they come up.

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