Wednesday, January 04, 2006

Whoa. I have become “that guy.”

The one that sits in front of video games all day and night. I hum the Katamari Damacy tune when I’m at work. I want to roll everything up. Make it bigger. What a nice Katamari! This one feels… snacks-ish.

So, considering the half-day we had at work Friday, I had a three and a half day weekend. What do I have to show for that? Not a lot. But my Katamari is so beautiful!

Saturday we went walking around SF with no plans, bumped into coolness, and followed it to a bar where some friends were spending the evening. Best part? None of that overpriced, long-line New Year’s Eve racket bullshit. I don’t care if it is December 31st, I refuse to pay a $30 cover for a club I normally wouldn’t even visit if it were free. And, fuck a lot of that fixed price (fixed-overprice is more like it), reservation-only crap. Your restaurant is empty. I’ve eaten there on several occasions for half that price, what’s the fucking problem?

We went to a tacqueria and that was just fine. The cashier was totally skimming the till. Hah.

So, yes, we went to a bar, it was free, drinks were had, there were home-made brownies there, and I got to see people I like, and at times it was even quiet enough that I could talk to them.

I’m all trying to be overly nice to people who created hang-ups about me out of nowhere. Women are weird, and their weirdness really just makes me think less of them, but I try to put on a little show. I can’t help your self-esteem issues. Not truly, but I’ll give it a whirl. How was that?

Sunday we slept a lot before venturing out into Union Square. Dinner was crap, cake and coffee were nice, we looked at crap in stores a little, and then headed home, where we proceeded to play We (heart) Katamari, like, way, way too much. Which continued on Monday, when we didn’t even leave the house until after 5pm, to go to the East Bay for Priya (yum) and watch some weird Chinese movie (Not One Less). I’m trying to watch Mandarin movies to just sort of pick out words here and there and pickup some culture or something. A lot of these movies are just weird and depressing. Mostly you just look at it and go “that’s fucked up!” I don’t know if this is making me more, or less, sympathetic. Fingers are firmly crossed. Class starts again in 2.5 weeks.

I read somewhere (maybe it’s a famous quote or something, I don’t know) that while men tend to fixate on being a woman’s first (see also: centuries of fetishizing virginity in women), women are smartly focused on being a man’s last. I’m not too hung up on who came before me. I mean, it’s part of a story, a story that I’m very interested in. I glean tidbits of history, glimpses of personality, and understanding of fears and hopes, needs and dislikes. But there’s a reason things are past tense. I am PRESENT TENSE. Oh, yeah! The past is full of suckers, as far as I’m concerned. Your loss!
I do not know what guys think about this, but here’s a glimpse into the way chicks think (I think. Then again, maybe I don’t really understand women)

Ending #1: he dumped the ex, so I am better than her. But that also means she desperately wants him back! Oh no! That bitch!
Ending #2: She dumped him, so she does not want him. But he is pining for her. That bitch!

As you can see, no matter what, the ex is a threat. That’s where the comparison to the ex comes in:

ex #1: She is so much less successful/smart/charming/whatever-I-think-my-boyfriend-values than I am. I am so much better. That is so cool.
ex #2: She is so much MORE successful/smart/charming/whatever-I-think-my-boyfriend-values than I am. I am so much less. I am so insecure. And I’m fat. And I have a shitty job. And I can’t ride my motorcycle for shit. I’m too tall, I’m too short. And I haven’t read as many books, and I can’t cook, And I don’t have a nice car, And and and... (well, it just gets worse and snowballs. Mostly having less to do with real differences, and more to do with the insecurities the girlfriend already has internally)

Ex #1 will still make insecurities, but it takes another step, wherein girlfriend realizes that since they are so different, the ex must have had something she does not. That bitch!

So, net-net, you are doomed.

Anyway, it’s sort of a pattern that my exes’ following girlfriends have ranged from not liking me, to breaking into screaming fits on street corners at the sight of me (hi sarah! Or whatever name you’re going by now). I am totally evil. Well, and yes, I’m still friends with most of these guys.

Boo. Lame. I have several female friends. Women I truly admire and enjoy. They don’t exhibit these traits, to my knowledge. Insecurities are human, but you gotta own them, and stop taking them out on other people. Somehow, women are usually poorly trained to do that.

Here’s a final clue: Anyone who can’t see that I am completely, utterly happy where I am now needs a head-check. I don’t want (whoever it is)! I am smitten on all levels, and completely out of the game. Your boyfriend likes you, and would probably like you even more if you weren’t full of hang-ups. (Shit, even if he was totally pining for me, it wouldn’t matter. Have you SEEN my boyfriend? He is The Hottness!) If I’m bothering you, just say so. Chances are, it’s a mis-understanding or a bunch of funny feelings manifesting themselves as such. Get on with your life.

Oh, and if you’re dealing with ex #2, whose fucking fault is that? Get your shit together.

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