Thursday, June 17, 2004

A Public Service Announcement About Jeans (My eyes! They burn!)

<>I realize that low rise jeans are in fashion. However, please note the following important guidelines:
1.) There’s low rise, and there’s ass-crack low rise. If you aren’t Kate Moss, you should probably opt for the low-ish, not the 4” rise. And if your underwear is hanging out, at least make it something worth seeing. No one wants to see your laundry-day granny panties.
1a.) Sidenote; A thong hanging out a bit is excusable. A thong pulled up high so that 5-6” are exposed, along with the witty text on the front, worn as accessory= very BAD!!!! Why!?!?!?! WHY did you do this to me?!?!?!? I can’t wipe that one out of my memory.

2.) It turns out that pants come in different sizes now. Which means, if the jeans are too tight, it’s actually possible to get a size bigger. If you are a size 10, buy a fucking 10. Don’t think that buying an 8 will make you look skinnier. You’re just horrifying everyone around you with that shelf of fat that hangs out over the squeeze point. (I’ve seen this on fat and skinny people alike, get with it people) Trust me, you will look way better in a size too big, than a size too small.

3.) About those new washes on denim these days: I’m all for it. Yay, creative, different. We’re all a bunch of snowflakes. However, there’s no reason for your jeans to make it look like you just sat in something. All that weird coloration on the ass? Ummmm, no.

No comments: