Monday, July 06, 2009

Illegitimi non carborundum

(Yes I know it's bad Latin. You are boring.)

I had a three day weekend, and the bastards have been getting me down recently, so we had a three day marathon of reconnection. Friday we went to Berkeley and cleaned the hell out of Paul's mom's place in preparation for her return from the hospital. I sanitized every surface and brushed three extra dogs out of Kathie's dog, and we finally got the call that Kathie was ready to come home! It was very nice to see her back in her own home. With everything in its place, we took off to dinner with friends at their house on Ashby. They had an adorable dog and a one-month-ish baby, and were doing fantastic. We got whistled and hissed at by their cockatiels, ate three desserts, and talked lots of smack about motorbikes. hooray!

Saturday we hit the Turner Compound for the 4th of July BBQ. Unfortunately, I was still feeling rather unhappy and having difficulty dealing with humans (why can't everybody just be a labrador retriever?), but made the best of it long enough to eat the fruit tarts Paul made and catch up with some folks. 7:30 rolled around and I had to shoot up to the City to cashier at New Wave City, which? Was pretty slow as I'd expected. In bed by 2:45 am, hooray?

Sunday we ambled up to Alameda to BBQ with friends we had not seen in a very long time. I finally met Kevy's husband, Jonathon, and Dan-n-Irene's new baby, Natasha. Alameda is a nice place but very difficult to get to and from. I think it's nice that all of our friends are moving there to form community together, and I'm really kind of jealous because I hate the South Bay, but the commute to and from Alameda would kill me (if the speed limit didn't get me first). We stopped in Berkeley to do some chores for Kathie and eat ice cream before returning home, and then back to the grind. no hooray.

And then I had a night of weird dreams, the kind the pick at scabs that you know have been long healed. "I've moved on," you say, "you need to move on too." "But I just need to know" "no you don't"

I was reminded recently how spontaneously something you care deeply about can blow up in your face. And if it was a pillar for you, it will leave you very shaky. I need to choose my pillars more carefully, and let other things be what they are. Not just let, but restrain.

cease this long, long rest
wake and risk a foul weakness to live
when it all comes down
watch the smoke and bury the past again
sit and think what will come
raise your fears and cast them all away

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