for reasons that are probably apparent (to everyone except Paul, who thinks I'm crazy), I have been reading blogs and books and such about weddings lately.
I learned this: everyone has a different idea of what this wedding things should be for them (and sometimes for others)
There are a lot of "shoulds" and trends, and emphasis on trying to create "Your Perfect Day"
Martha Stewart is a clumsy preschooler compared to some of the really nice wedding plan and design stuff out there.
So you get poisoning from reading too much of it. Not because it is, like Drano. More like a bellyache from too much candy. It's OK, but not a good full diet.
After reading too many posts about Out of Town Baskets and Chocolate Fountains (I like my chocolate in its purest form, no fountaining, thank you very much) it is nice to take a look at some of the other end of the spectrum. I tend to fall somewhere in the range of "let's just have a big party," and "Oh! Craft Projects! I LOVE crafts!" So I'm a little bipolar. I think Paul has given up on me.
There are a few really terrible phrases I keep coming across in wedding planning propaganda, that are really really terrible.
My Perfect Day
There is no such thing as a perfect day. Or a perfect anything, *unless* you are able to understand that perfect isn't, so it follows that a little imperfect might be perfect. case in point? Paul is perfect. My mother seemed concerned with this declaration, and asked "surely he must have *some* flaws?" Yes! of course he does! If he were totally perfect, that would be an insult to god. He has just the right imperfections to be perfect for me. Duh. So Your Perfect Day will only be perfect if you are ready to roll with the flaws it will certainly give you. Besides, I like challenges, and surprises, to some extent. That said, I am still demanding dolphins.
The only thing worse that The Perfect Day is The Most Important Day of My Life. OMG. That is really pathetic. This bride ought to be shot at the end of the wedding. After all, it's all downhill from there anyway.
Then we move on to, and I really think this is the tagline that makes the wedding industry the most money "It's the Details that really make The Day Special." Kill me! This was not on the practice PMP test I took today, but:
What makes your wedding day special?
a. monogrammed napkin rings and signature cocktails in your colors
b. That guy, the one you are pledging your undying love to and joining lives with
c. the gathering of your friends and family to celebrate this love and commitment
d. the donkey with a sombrero, and beer in its saddlebags.
e. b, c, & d
I'm hoping for "e", but the donkey apparently lives in Texas. (damn, and I think this is the one wedding detail Paul seemed on board with)
Am I getting bitter about weddings? No! In fact, I am enjoying it quite a bit.. I just think it's important to step back every so often as you get swept into all these skewed expectations, commercialism, and weird fantasies.
At the same time, the craft and design loving part of me would love to go ape shit and personally hand paint every invitation, after sewing it together out of scraps from the dress I am making. I want to say "I made everything-- the invitations, the dress, the cake, the chairs you are sitting on, the sun that is shining right now (I needed just the perfect hue of light)-- everything!"
Craftiness aside, I need to keep it fairly simple given other things needing my attention these days. I'm just excited about having a party with everyone there.
Repeat after me! "A wedding is not an elaborate photo shoot. It is the unique story and celebration of you two and the family you are a part of." Or, "it is an excuse to gather your family and friends and wear fancy clothes and eat cake!"
And a chance to rent a beer donkey.