Dear Mainstream Media,
I do not give a flying crap about Anna Nicole Smith's baby. I know you think Craigslist is what destroyed you, but perhaps it could be the fact that you are giving me a blow-by-blow update on the whereabouts of a some dead lady's baby. "Anna Nicole Smith's baby to leave tomorrow," then "Anna Nicole Smith's Baby on way to United States," and now "Anna Nicole Smith's baby lands in Kentucky."
NO ONE CARES.
I am a news hound. I like to read about (but mostly see pictures of) alligators tying up traffic in Minnesota, or Japanese people finding out their dogs are really sheep (OK, it would have been better if it was true, but at least it was interesting, which this baby is not.) But this? This is CRAP. Plain and simple CRAP. You should be ashamed. All of you.
(My second favorite "news" item today bore the headline "Bush readies veto pen." I actually envisioned a giant oversized pen, like something you'd use to sign one of those enormous checks they're always delivering on TV. Sadly, it was not the case. If any of our presidents had a giant cartoon pen, it would be this one, right?)