We bought a car!
We actually did this at a used car dealership, which sounded very unappetizing to both of us. We did a bunch of research and found what we wanted, and it was at Capitol Honda in San JOse. We braced for the very worst, since neither of us likes salespeople and used car salespeople don't exactly have the best reputation, but actually it was Not That Bad (tm). It did take a long time today of sitting in the office and all that, but it's done now, and we are all set to go driving around parking lots really slowly with our blinker on, merging onto the freeway at 25 mph, and lane-changing motorcyclists! woot.
Now I just, uh, need to learn how to drive... (small details!)