Final

I just found out that someone I know (though not closely) killed himself over this weekend. I saw him a few weeks ago last, watched him play video games by James' bedside. We spoke quietly. I told him I was sorry to hear his mother had passed away. He said "thank you" under his breath while he kept entertaining James with the video games. Several months ago, he'd tinkered a little with my SV. Many nights we shared a little laugh here and there.

I had no idea that he was in such pain. I suppose no one did.

Sobering evening.

Just feels so FINAL. The words didn't even sound right. I expected to hear "got hit by a car," or, "his dad died," or, well, pretty much anything but those words that weren't meant to go together.

I wish I could all of you close tonight. Near and far, however infrequently we see each other, I love and value all of my friends and acquaintances, and, no, an answer this final and this wrong...

Makes me realize again tonight, how little we each know about the personal hell our loved ones are living in. I hope we can reach out into each other's hearts a little better, to fill the void, and stay afloat together.

Goodnight, J.