Friday, July 21, 2006


I'm stretched too thin.
We all are, and some of the weirdness is bubbling up to the surface. Politics are coming out of the woodwork. People are snapping.

Some people have been snapping all along, but lately, even the core group is getting to wit's end.

I'm tired, really, really tired. I don't get enough sleep. I can't remember the last time I got to sit on my couch and do the silly shit I do like balance my financial statements, read a book, or study my Chinese. I don't think we've been to Lanesplitter in over a week. That's, like, a record.

Everything I type is rife with typos and spelling errors.

My house is a disaster, and I can't go to the store or do laundry.

I worry and cry and I can't sleep when I do get to bed.

Not that any of this is enough.

There's still more to do. And now on top of that, there will be outbursts and criticisms and interpersonal dramas. I'd walk away, but it's not about me or my comfort level. I said I was willing to push this. I hadn't really wanted to lose friends over it. It's well known that there are people I'm working with that I really don't even like. I expected those outbursts and laugh them off. But I almost can't bear the wear on friendships I value. I don't want to be drawn into politics. Can we just get the job done? Everyone is tired. The less hysterics we have, the less tired we will make ourselves. I've been ignoring the bullshit from the people I expected it from, but I need the rest of us to stick together. It's not me that needs it most, though. This isn't about us.

I can't give up even though I wish I could. I just want to walk away. But this is not an option. If I cared less, maybe I would. It's too important.

No comments: