Silence is Golden, but watching movies in your underwear at home is even better

Last night we went and saw Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.
I wanted to not want to see this movie, because I hate going to theaters these days.
Somehow, this seems to puzzle Hollywood: why don’t people want to go to the movies anymore?

1.) It’s too goddam expensive. $10 per ticket. That’s WAY too much, particularly considering #2
2.) You show me ads for like 15 minutes. When did this become OK? I’m not talking about movie trailers, that’s part of the fun of seeing movies in the theater. I’m talking about ads for cars, cellphones, financial services, soda, and the all-time worst: military recruitment. Excuse me? I just paid $10. So that should cover my not having to watch a fucking advertisement. Last I checked, advertisements were a way to subsidize entertainment to make it FREE (see: Television.) So you’re telling me that I ought to pay through the nose to watch commercials? No.
3.) Military advertisements get their own #. If you want to show me this garbage, show me an ad for the Peace Corps also. Or show me pictures of all the dead people our army made, or perhaps a montage of “where are they now” about veterans. Military ads are the worst of pathetic marketing aimed at stupid people. There may be good reason to join the military, but seeing a sensationalized ad in a movie theater is not one of them.
4.) People. This is really the main reason we’d all prefer to stay home, but unfortunately, it’s the one reason that Hollywood can’t easily address. Last night’s audience wasn’t bad, despite it being a little crowded for my tastes. (and despite the fact that the guy sitting next to me jabbed me in the ribs.) But talking, cellphones, people laughing too long and too loud, weird smelly food shit, people climbing in and out during the movie, and the jackass with the plastic bag he keeps rumpling, are the main reasons we don’t want to be in the theater.
5.) The movies mostly suck. By attempting to appeal to everyone, you’ve just bored everyone. I never saw the last two star wars movies, mainly because I didn’t want to pay $10 to sit through 2 hours of special effects and formulaic plotlines. I may be wrong; probably one day I’ll find out, through Netflix. I like a movie where everyone dies in the end. I want to be surprised and occasionally have to think. I want to see some talented art direction, set design, and costuming, I want to feel like I got something personal from the creators. I want to hot chicks and explosions too sometimes, but that’s not enough.

Charlie and the Chocolate factory was great. I don’t really like the remake-everything movement that’s going on in Hollywood right now, and I understand the resistance to this one in particular, being that the first was such a classic and all. But, the reason I wanted to see this after all, was, I suspected that this is the movie Tim Burton was born to make. I love Burton and he has hits and misses. This one is definitely a hit for him. I laughed. I did not cry, which is one of my pre-reqs for a *great* movie. Sappy and predictable, well, I mean, yeah, it IS Charlie and the Chocolate factory. But the musical numbers were OH-so-cool!