Cable News

So, about that TeeVee.

Holy Crap.

We don't watch much TV. I did finally buy a TV last year, mainly because I wanted a second monitor for working from home (which I rarely use in that capacity because as it turns out, televisions make lousy monitors due to some weird difference in the format of pixels, blah blah blah)

We do have television hardware, but we do not have cable or the digital antennae necessary to watch broadcast TV. Which? Is fine. I don't want to watch it and I don't have time. I have just barely enough time to watch the Daily Show and the Colbert Report and the internet the day after they air.


But in Kansas!
We watched. So. Much. TeeVee.
And so much "news"

And
so
many
republicans.


So interested in lady parts.
I'm honestly shocked that prenatal testing is the next frontier of "controversy" for them to take away.

Anyway, the only way to recover from sitting through hours of cable news about republican primaries in Kansas, is to give some money to Planned Parenthood.

Thank you, rick santorum, for reminding me to support all the good work Planned Parenthood does. I hope I was able to provide some women some abortions or something. Or, shudder, some PRENATAL TESTING. ZOMG.

I hope that every time we have to watch some of this crap, we remember to respond by pitching in to the frontlines to counteract this garbage. So please, if you've just sat through some horrendously offensive republican "debate" or accidentally forgotten to mute the TV before being exposed to a soundbite about how muslims are ruining America, or atheists are waging war on Christians (puhlease!), or how torture is just fine...
The best way you can wash your ears, eyes, and soul out after such a trauma is surely to visit the donation pages for ACLU, Planned Parenthood, or Rootstrikers!

Kansas! We're not in it anymore!

Oh lookie, I'm a week behind in my blog!

You see, last Sunday was not really a Sunday, because it was a three-day weekend, but even more importantly, because I was on the far away island of "Kansas" where time is slowed down.

It started in the wee wee hours of Friday morning, February 17. We woke up at 3:30. Which was made even more sad by the fact that Molly thought it would be a good idea to wake up screaming at 2:30 and 12:30 before that. Fine. Up at 3:30. Flight was off the ground around 6:35. Stopped in Phoenix before going to the bustle and hubbub of Kansas City. Molly flew like a champ. People actually stopped to tell us how impressed they were with her behavior on the flights. Hooray.

We picked up an awesome little shitbox from the airport, Paul wrestled the carseat into it, and we were off to Overland Park to visit Paul's dad and stepmom. Molly was pretty fed up with being strapped into a chair by the time we got there, and refused to nap for a while before spending the next several days being absolutely spoiled and exhausted by nonstop play with Linda.

Sunday morning we went to the park! In Overland Park! Which apparently is a bizarre thing to do. All the houses, even those that were within 30 yards of the playground, have their own playground in their backyards. So I guess there's no need to go to the public park. So we had it to ourselves. Molly saw ducks and geese! Later on at her grandparents' house, she got to play with bubbles for the first time.

Meanwhile, the rest of us just worked on keeping all the breweries and wineries in business. And kept the television company. I've watched enough TeeVee to keep me sated for the next 6 months at least. More on that later. (can't get clean!)

The flights back were not nearly as nice. Molly was fussy and tired but barely slept, and woke up halfway through the second flight in a very very angry mood. BABY VERY ANGRY. We tried everything to keep her shut up to get off the flight. It was not fun but we all lived. As bad as it seemed, I know a lot of toddlers are way way worse on flights.

Hmm, the weeks just fly by, don't they?

Rather the focusing on the things I didn't accomplish (and there were A LOT of them!) Let's try to stay positive, shall we?

Molly loves pasta!


A few days after this, I decided it was time to focus on spoons for a while.














Saturday, we went to Berkeley with Jennifer to see some of her friends from high school. We had lunch at Udupi Palace, which was, as they say, totally boomin'. Molly and Paul and I took a leisurely stroll through the neighborhood, played on swings and slides, and watched the drama at the dog park. Despite missing a nap, she was in pretty good spirits. Which was good because our next stop was Grandma Kathie's house for a quickish visit.

Sunday was Craft Day! And I had no idea what I was going to do, so first I felted another little thing:

and then, I took this cute dress that Molly's grandmother sent from Kansas, and I added some ribbon and embroidery and a little button to it. It was already a cute dress, but now it's just Molly's. And I'm sure she'll ruin it with some stainy pasta at her earliest convenience. Oh well. I did something.

In between, I got some use out of our treadmill and then remembered why I shouldn't wear my heart rate monitor for the first few weeks of jogging again (my heart rate is freakishly high and it just upsets the monitor)
Also, it's damn hard to get up early enough to squeeze in running in the morning, and it creeps Paul out when I listen to podcasts which seep through the walls into his dreams. Apparently, he thought someone was in the sideyard. It's worth noting that he decided this did not warrant getting out of bed.

After an incredibly painful, drawn-out purchase (and handbuild) process, we finally have our treadmill!

I have been wanting a treadmill since about October. See, before about the fifth month of pregnancy, I was running 4 times/week, using the gym at work. I know "real" runners prefer running outside. I am not a "real" runner. I have tried running around the neighborhood-- too much to look out for. I want to tune everything out, maybe catch up on some crappy TeeVee or something.

So we found something we wanted, as a great deal from Sports Authority. And they delivered it about two weeks later. Well... they delivered some of it. Actually, it was missing the "console," which, if you've ever seen a treadmill, is pretty much all the important stuff you'd use to, like, make it go and stuff. Paul worked back and forth with Sports Authority and then the manufacturer to get the parts. The store would say "oh no, we'll order the rest for you right away, can't believe that happened, so sorry, blah blah blah" and then a week later we'd get some parts, but never all of them. Repeat. Finally, we got all the parts, and then the technician who was supposed to build it goes AWOL. So, FUCK IT, WE'LL DO IT LIVE. And now I have a lovingly handbuilt treadmill.

Does the drama end there? Oh NO, because I want to watch video and listen to music. I have a bunch of hardware. I have legally acquired a bunch of media. What's the problem? Well, the phone works great, but the screen is too tiny. What I really want is for my tablet to be out there. Oh, but one problem: it's an iPad. So, none of the Amazon Prime videos are available to me, and none of my Google Music is available to me. Because... umm... iOS is basically a crippled operating system where Apple gets to decide what is good for you. I swore off syncing my iDevices to iTunes a few years back, the last time a sync overwrote all of my contacts and I had the disconcerting experience of my phone showing my father-in-law whenever my incredibly hott husband called. Besides? Plugging in to sync? What is this, 2007?

Soooooooo, no, I am not buying a new tablet just so I can access my stuff the way I want. I have to much hardware already. I hate the iPad because it won't do practically anything I want it to do. I'm looking for anyone who has successfully made an iPad into an Android or Chrome or ANYTHING BUT IOS. Hell, even a Windows tablet would probably let me use my media.

Ring Ring! It's me, phoning it in!

I promised myself I would blog weekly, but what if I have nothing interesting to report?

It's just been work, work, work this week, and crazy busy. Work/Life balance? Hah, what a joke.
I'm up at 6, at work around 7-7:30, home around 5. Put Molly to bed 8-8:30, then hop back online to hammer out some work while watching Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert. I'm trying to get much more regimented about sleep-- start winding down at 10, in bed by 10:30. I'm even trying to track my sleep with Electric Sleep on my Galaxy Nexus. I have serious doubts about the accuracy of the measurements, but it's something and it encourages me to go to bed.

If we ever get a complete treadmill, I'll try to get up at 5:30, so I need that earlier bedtime.

News? We booked a trip to Kansas. I am so not looking forward to flying with a toddler. I hate the TSA enough just by myself, thank you very much.

Funny, this will be the first time we need to go buy disposable diapers, so we stopped in the diaper aisle at Target, and were so overwhelmed, I think we'll just have to toilet train Molly tomorrow. WHY SO MANY DIAPERS???? I know one thing-- we can rule out anything with "snugglers" in the name, because Molly's idea of cuddling involves gouging your eyes with her fingers and punching you in the throat-- all with the cutest angelic smile. Also, holy crap, they have diapers for kids up to like high school now.

We took Molly to the park twice yesterday! Lucky little bean. She's suddenly sprouted a fear of slides, and a love of sand. Right now, she loves nothing more than lemons. Do NOT try to take her lemon away from her.

You know how sometimes you cook something, and it turns out that the only thing that will save it and make it edible is smothering it in cheese, or soy sauce, or whatever your thing is?
This was the kind of weekend that could only be fixed by beer. So I gave it the old college try, I did. I wanted to branch out into Margaritas, but then I found out that you can't get hard liquor at Target. WTF, Target? You could make some room for tequila by whittling down your diaper aisle, and that's not a bad place for it, really.

OK! So it's been a week, and I bet you thought I would fall off of my weekly blogging wagon already!

NOT SO.

It's been an insane week. I'm so far behind! I have not replied to that email you sent me! I know!

It started off innocently enough, sure. I had Monday off of work. But then Tuesday had me sent up to San Francisco for a work thing, which was nonstop until I ran screaming and hopped a Caltrain back home Wednesday night. Thursday, spent in a team offisite thing which really just translated to (OK, now that's three work days away from your work, so you are REALLY REALLY behind now. You don't mind taking these escalations during your bathroom breaks, right?)

Friday I did one thing that I loved. I fought my new Android phone, and I WON. You wouldn't think a simple upgrade would involve installing a Software Developer Kit and running a bunch of crap through Terminal, but then you'd have expected me to take "no" for an answer. OK, so it cost me several hours, but the important thing is my phone still knows who's in charge around here. Take that!

Saturday, I went with my mother and sister to a "Glass Artist for a Day" class here, and it was really fun! I made some stuff and got to play with fire and break glass!

Sunday wrapped up the week nicely with Craft Day! AND AND AND I actually sat down and started and finished something! I took my first stab (literally) at needle felting, and I came up with this little... thing. I found needle felting immensely satisfying and particularly appreciate that I could just sit and FINISH something, not at all like all of those sewing projects I have for years on end. (Hi, "quilt." I'm looking at you.)

In the second picture, you can see some of our other treasures:

• A giant stein that belonged to Petje, apparently from a trip to Belgium.
• An empty of Sippin' Syrup (Purple)
• A train vase, brought to the hospital by my dad's parents when I was born, and then brought to Paul and me when Molly was born.
• A porcelain bunny which you can fill with cotton balls and then pull out the of the bunny's butt, a baby shower gift for Molly
• Two pretty Irish tea cups and saucers from my dear aunts' and uncles' Irish shop
• The cake topper from our wedding: a bride and squirrel-groom. (etsy!)
• A two-headed rooster, given to me by my husband for our 2nd year anniversary (the china anniversary!) (same etsy!)
• And finally, the drink nametags we made to have at Grandma Kay's house to avoid the "WHOSE GLASS IS THIS????" issues. We kept Grandma Kay's, since we were the ones who brought the whole getup over in the first place and made her name band.

Yearly Thingie

Oh! So I have a blog. And it hasn't been updated in a long, long time.
I know exactly why. Not just because I'm busy, either.

Last year was a miserable mess. And who wants to hear about a miserable mess all the time? It's bad enough that the people around me have to hear about it. No, dear internet, you did not need to hear about what a miserable mess my year was.

But now, the year restrospective, whatever shall I do? I cannot pull my first sentence of every month. Last you heard, I put Stanford on my resume (I did, I really did. It's there, and I can show you, in case you are looking for an awesome project-managing, creative-problem-solving, troubleshooting, customer-relationship-managing person for your team!)

Things have happened since then. I wish I could remember what. Some of those things I think I'd rather not remember, but we must! So we can laugh about them in future-times.

Let's see...


oh, hey, I could always fall back on the old "yearly thingie" yes let's do that...


1. What did you do in 2011 that you'd never done before?

• Navigated a very unpleasant re-org, and learned a *lot* about office politics
• Had Thanksgiving dinner at home, with whatever we could scrounge up
• Had a really fun time celebrating Molly's birthday!
• Sucked it all up for the good of those who depend on me. Maybe this is the year I became an adult?

2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
Let's see how I scored:


Career:

• Keep my job.
• REALLY? I wrote this???? I guess I did this one, despite the fact that I thought my goal was the opposite. mmmmkay then.
• Grow my responsibilities and cross-functional work with an emphasis on projects that people who "matter" will actually recognize. (snip some comments)
• Uh, right. This was made early in the year before things became clear about the role I was put in. So, no. Although I did kick some ass at the end of the year, it wasn't politically advantageous.
• Do my damn PMP thing.
• YES. I totally did this. Just in time for a role where no one gives a shit. Sigh.
• Finish the Stanford Advanced Project Management certification in Q1
• Did this too! And it was great!

Health:

• Q1: Use Molly's nighttime nap (if there is one) to use the little exercise bike. -
• no, this totally did not work. It was impossible to get out while she was sleeping, she dropped that nap, and I had to do too much other stuff during that time. Big fail. Also I hate exercise bikes. What was I thinking?

Financial

• Max out my 401K by end of June
• Done.
• Add $X to our savings accounts each month. (X being a number we agreed on. Not sure I should really list the dollar amount publicly)
• Done, and more.
• Add $X to our 529 for Molly each month. (X being a number we agreed on, that, according to all of the college savings calculators, will end up making public college administrators laugh at her and say "oh, it's too bad your parents didn't really love you!")
• Done.

Other

• Have monthly crafting day at my house with family and friends. (already scheduled Q1)
• I'm gonna say I did this, though we may have missed one month.
• Keep a journal daily, at least 90% of days
• Hmmm, I was really good about this until the great Postini explosion of Q3, where I became so overworked that I just collapsed every night. I'd say I did about 85% of the time, so I'll give myself a green.
• Create a will/trust by the end of March
• Fail. Ugh.

OK, so how about 2012:
Career:

• Get back into a role that I love, whether that be growing in the dirt I was shoved in, or packing up and going. I want to feel valuable, and I want to feel responsible, and I want to feel the satisfaction of helping others. Doing a little planning, networking, and technical problem solving would round this out quite nicely. (this is a big, vague goal, implying a lot of little sub-projects and resolutions... networking! maintaining my accomplishments and resume, sharpening skills! oh my!)

Health:

• Get some exercise for my poor little overbeating heart. Q1: Assuming Sports Authority isn't the sheisty operation they are looking like right at this moment, we'll be getting a treadmill shortly. Once that's set up, I want to get at least an average of 4 days x30 minutes on there every week. (yes, I know there's a free treadmill called "outdoors" but I've found that I really prefer indoor treadmill. I know, it's weird.)

Financial

• Max out my 401K by end of March
• Add $X to our savings accounts each month. On average, understanding that some months are harder than others.
• Add $X to our 529 for Molly each month. Same $X as last year
• Shut down BofA account. I've had BofA since college. But, yeah, I've been meaning to drop them since they bought CountryWide and pretended they had no idea how diseased it was. I've found a credit union with awesome rates and no bailouts.
• Invest some of our cash. I do not know the first thing about investing money, and I would like to keep my life relatively simply (the thought of dealing with the taxes makes me sweat.) We need to do better than savings accounts this year.

Other

• Have monthly crafting day at my house with family and friends. (already scheduled Q1)
• Keep a journal daily, at least 90% of days
• Create a will/trust by the end of March (Let's try this again)
• Craft more: I want to make something at least once/month and blog it. Even if that means phoning it in with a god's eye at the last hour of the month. Something. EVERYONE IS GETTING A GOD'S EYE FOR CHRISTMAS!!!!
• Learn new skills: I want to get one chapter/week on this Python for Absolute Beginners book I've had sitting next to my bed for months. Let's DO IT!

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
no no no. But my sister became a "grandmother"... despite never having children.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
Yes. It was another reason for a shit year. My Grandma Kay left us in the nicest possible way this year, but she is sorely missed. The hole in my world is huge for such a little lady.

5. What countries did you visit?
None. We have a small child, and I hate the TSA. I really hate the TSA. Have I mentioned that I hate the TSA?

6. What would you like to have in 2012 that you lacked in 2011?
A sense of "I love my job." I've had it before and I know what it feels like.

7. What date from 2011 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
It's kind of all a blur, and I think I'd rather not etch any of it anywhere.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

• Passed the PMP exam with flying colors. (Really. flying.)
• Navigated some really muddy transitions at work
• Didn't get ANY visits from Child Protective Services!

9. What was your biggest failure?

• Settling. Waiting in my chair when asked to do so. The people who asked me to sit quietly would not have done so if asked, and that's my big lesson. I should have been long, long gone, months and months ago. I think I've learned a lot about politics and alignment since, but at what cost?

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

• Nothing out of the ordinary

11. What was the best thing you bought?

• I bought Paul a broken motor. He loves that kind of thing.
• I guess it's telling that I can't think of anything. So much crap to buy, and nothing of value to remember!

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?

• Paul has been something of a hero, taking care of a screamy baby, a frequently unhappy wife, and a very sick mother, while trying to get some studying in on the side.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?

• I can just say, I've learned that people can have big impact on you even when they are a few steps removed, and you should keep your eye on all of them, all of the time. Don't assume malice is needed to destroy things; it could just be a blithely destructive nature.

14. Where did most of your money go?

• Savings and rent. Actually, no, taxes. Pentagon! Oh boy. Let's be clear that I do not mind paying taxes. I would gladly pay more taxes, even, but I want to have Single Payer Health care instead of all these wasteful wars.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

• Molly. Everything she does is clearly the awesomest thing any child has ever done in the history of humanity. I mean, really. Have you ever seen such an amazing child? Why just the other day, she did just the cutest thing...

16. What songs/bands will always remind you of 2011?

• Hopefully, none.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you happier or sadder?

• End of 2010, I was happy but anxious. End of 2011, I was just happy to see 2011 go. I guess I'm tempered quite a lot. This has not been a happy year.

ii. thinner or fatter?
Fatter.

iii. richer or poorer?
Richer. I mean, I have more money I guess.

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?

• Exercise. Career-tracking

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?

• Working in the suggested confines I was given. I should have moved quickly and drastically, and without so much fear. (on the other hand, it is hard when you are the sole provider for two others)

20. How will you be spending Christmas?

• I spent Christmas with family as always. But this time, at home, not at Grandma Kay's house, for the first time I can ever remember. It was still nice though. Christmas is the best.

22. Did you fall in love in 2010?

• Well, of course I did.

23. What's on your night stand?

• Earplugs, which Molly keeps trying to steal
• half a glass of water, because I drink lots of water in my sleep
• alarm clock that I no longer use because I use my Android phone
• Glasses-because I'm legally bind in one eye
• ballpoint pen, which I should use to journal every night before bed
• My Ten-Year Journal which allows just a few sentences per night
• a fancy phone new Android phone which I can't use because it is misbehaving
• The case for my NTI nightguards

24. What were your favorite TV programs?
Still just The Daily Show and The Colbert Report


(what happened to 25?)


26. What was the best book you read?
Probably some crafting and parenting books. I've been really bad about finishing books lately.

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?

• I discovered that with Spotify, I can relive some truly bad music from my childhood.

28. What did you want and get?

• I wanted to get my PMP certification. I did it!

29. What did you want and not get?

• It must be obvious by now, I wanted to get myself into a role that is a better fit, and I did not.
• OH OH OH. And I went through about 36 hours of seriously really very much so wanting to buy a Dorsoduro.

30. What was your favorite film(s) of this year?

• I haven't set foot in a movie theater in a few years.

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

• I turned 34. It was a great day. Paul got me an awesome blinking tiara, I got to have cupcakes with Jenni Williams (I KNOW!), and Amber India for dinner with family.

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

• Torn between "serenity to accept the things I cannot change" and "courage to change the things I can." I suppose that leaves me with "wisdom to know the difference." But I'm leaning toward #2: Courage.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2011?

• First half of the year: "I just had a baby, screw it."
• Second half of the year: "hmmm, I guess I should really start to worry about this."
• Also, I got a standing desk, which has changed my footwear choices

34. What kept you sane?

• The quiet moments. Taking Molly for a walk to examine leaves on the ground. Sitting on the couch with Paul after Molly is in bed. 
• The words "Now that I know Rebecca is handling this, I know it will be fine." and other such votes of confidence. I know I do good work, and I do best when I can work with people who need me and value me. Kicking ass at work makes me feel great.

35. Which celebrity/public figure(s) did you fancy the most?

• Every single year, I have no idea how to answer this. "Celebrity?"

36. What political issue stirred you the most?

• Rootstrikers. Until we get the money out of politics, NOTHING in politics matters. All the political issues we get worked up about are just manifestations of this root problem.

37. Who did you miss?

• The list gets longer this year with Grandma Kay joining her husband.

38. Who was the best new person you met?

• I really need to get out more

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2011.

• You can work as hard as you want building a vibrant, wonderful, productive city, but all it takes is one Godzilla to destroy Tokyo. It's not even necessarily personal. I don't know if this means you shouldn't bother working so hard, or that you should work so hard that Godzilla can't get you. Or some, third thing about developing anti-Godzilla laserbeam technology.

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.

You made me doubt, you made me fear
But now I´m not the same
...
I don´t pretend that I love you
'Cause there is nothing left to lose

Now I can finally put Stanford on my resume!

And I won't even be lying!

Last week I completed my Stanford Advanced Project Management certificate. And? I actually really enjoyed the program. Lots of real-world, instantly applicable tools and experience, god exploration of strategy and portfolio, etc., etc., buzzword, etc.
No, really, I got a lot out of it. I've done a bit of project management training in various areas, and found this to be much more useful in my work than some of the more theoretical approaches often taken.

And now, on to the other stuff!

Yeah, yeah, yeah... no updates, and it's been like a month.
I'm really really busy. I know, everyone is always busy.

This past week I finished up a series of classes, to get my Stanford project management certificate. Actually, a very useful set of classes with quite a good focus on immediately applicable, real-world, practical skills. But being out of work for that long means I go to class during the day, try to do my day job at night, try to still get done all the work that I would normally do at night from home, and then, oh yeah, the home and baby stuff too.

Anyway, Molly is still cute. She drools!

From 2011 Molly

Just LOOK at that drool!

Also this week, Molly got to spend most of a day with her grandparents as Paul and I had to be other places. She apparently behaved just fine.

I am barely keeping my head above water, but, well, honestly that is just part of who I am. Yes, I volunteered to help out with that giant cluster of a global project again this year. And, some other big big stuff is also going on in my "spare" time. What else would I be doing anyway?

Stranger Danger!

It's official: Molly has Stranger Anxiety. Some sources say this is a 6-9 month thing, others say it develops between 3-6 months. Molly is 4 months, and she is certainly reacting to people other than her parents. "Stranger" could mean people she has spent lots of time with but not seen in a few days. Which is awkward for grandparents and such.

What does it mean? Well, it is part of the learning continuum with object permanence and separation anxiety, and understanding her separateness from us in general. These are all good things, but in the meantime, she needs a little extra time and suavity in approach.

So, if you're visiting, please don't try to swoop in and pick her up while making a bunch of exciting noises. Give her some time to adjust to you quietly on her own, and I'm sure she'll come around. Forcing the issue only makes it worse and more tiresome.

Oh boy! More work for us! It was so nice when we could just walk into the room and unceremoniously dump her into an open set of arms and lap.

She has lately developed high-maintenance habits in a delightful array of areas, such as:

• No longer happy to eat whatever, she now wants bottles. Except, she screams and resists that she doesn't want them at all. Until you trick her into eating, and then she voraciously sucks down a bottle. Unless she is distracted by noise, or stuff to look at, including a blank wall, in which case she twists and turns and fusses and is generally impossible to feed.
• I used to be able to put her down for the night without a pacifier. No more. I don't care about the pacifier, except that every time it falls out, she screams and needs someone to put it back in. This is a terrible habit, that I wish she had not been allowed to develop.
• Rolling. She is a rolling machine. Mostly back to front. Often gets stuck on her tummy. This is adorable. Besides the fact that rolling and getting stuck on her belly makes her squawk, this is of course a high-maintenance development because OMG we can't walk away from her anymore. She will end up in the fireplace.
• She can grab things now. Which is awesome, but it means there is this mysterious hand constantly stealing her binkie from her mouth, and she wonders, loudly, what the hell is going on, and who stole her binky.
  

Mendocino

We did it!

We managed to get back to our old adventurous drinking-in-public ways!

Yes, having a baby is stressful. Yes, the things going on at work are stressful. So? We took off. North. I have to say, of all the directions available I like North the very best.

I had booked a cottage in Little River, about two miles south of the town of Mendocino. It had a kitchen and a gas fireplace and a little view of the ocean. It was small and cozy without being too rustic for our first baby travel.

Besides the long drive, it was perfect. Saturday, we spent in Mendocino, puttering a little, and then dinner at the cottage, followed by watching mindless movies on cable with the sound turned off.

From 2011.01.15 Mendocino

Sunday, we had lunch in the pub next door, then took the short hike to Van Damme State Beach. Molly traveled pretty well in the sling (thanks Gregg!) and we resumed our irresponsible ways.

From 2011.01.15 Mendocino

Molly apparently is not an oatmeal stout drinker. Snob.

From 2011.01.15 Mendocino

And then, Monday we took a long time getting out, then took the long way home. Which, really was probably not all that pleasant for Molly. But! We did get to stop in Berkeley for my very favorite Indian food. OMG

In short, travelling with baby was not all that bad. We didn't do as much as we would have on our own, but it was a nice slow pace.

Motor Control! Or, Holy Crap, those are MY hands!

Molly is learning how to reach up and touch and grab things right now. Also? Working on being able to roll over from laying on her back. She started rolling from belly to back last week while Grandma Ellen was here to watch her do it three times in a row, each time with a little less shock on her face when finding herself suddenly and inexplicably looking up at the ceiling.

(video link! clicky!)

From 2011 Molly

She's definitely grabbing stuff now. Rolling is still a bit of a struggle and chance.

I can only hope that when she finally realizes she can do stuff with those hands, she can jump to the next earth shattering conclusion-- she can also NOT do things with those hands. Like: NOT knock her pacifier out of her mouth all the time, and NOT hit herself in the face while she is trying to sleep.

Then, perhaps, the holy grail... being able to put the pacifier back in her own mouth so we don't have to.

She actually figured out how to pick it up and wave it around, and finally, she put it in her mouth, but it was sideways, like a cookie, not at all the way she wanted it. Sigh...

From 2011 Molly

First Sentence of the month for 2010!

January
Having this 4 day weekend has been heaven.

From 2010

February
The past month?
We've been puttering mostly, keeping the seats warm at our local beer-serving cafe, dealing with the house, crafting, etc.
(no photos!)

March
So! What did we do this weekend?

From 2010

April
I took a week off last week, and thought that I would get lots of work done on my quilt embroidery, and that I would be able to finally use the time to catch up on work.

From 2010

May
It is the coming of the pockyclypse!

From 2010.05.28 to 31 McCloud Trip

June
Paul and I needed a vacation.

From 2010

July
Oh! They are here!

From 2010

August
(no sentences)

From 2010

(yes, this is staged. I did not just drink 3 beers.)

September
So the blog is stopped up, and I know exactly why.

From 2010

October
It is now nearly one week late, but...

From 2010.10.08 Molly 0th birthday

November
Halloween came and went this year, and I never even got to have candy corn.

From 2010.10 Molly

December
Oh how the time passes!

From 2010.10 Molly

Yearly thingie

Looking back at last year's blog posts around this time, I realize I had a much more interesting life back then. Now it's "what have you been up to lately?" "Baby, baby, blah blah blah..." Seriously, it's like hearing someone talk about their cat. "why just the other day, she did just the cutest thing!"


I've been using this inventory for the past few years or so. a lot of these things don't seem to apply to me very well anymore, but I'm always loathe to give up anything that might be *tradition* so here it is:



1. What did you do in 2010 that you'd never done before?

• Bought life insurance
  
• Changed a diaper
• Owned a car (still no license to drive it, though)

2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
Considering I couldn't remember what any of them were, seems unlikely. But let's see what I wrote:

Career:

• Keep my job. - Uh, well, I did this, sort of.
  
• Grow my responsibilities and cross-functional work - Shrug. I think I did that.
  
• Do my damn PMP thing - Ahem. Ooops. But I did get farther along!
  

Health:

• Continue "running," specifically continue improving my cardiovascular health - Total fail there. I was actually in pretty good shape last year around this time, running on the order of 3-4 time/week, and increasing speed and endurance every time (not much compared to others, but I was only comparing to ME) I was all set to run through pregnancy, until I got incredibly bad RLP around 14 weeks or so, so much I was nearly in tears. The last time I ran/jogged, I was nearly doubled over in pain for about 45 minutes afterward. I have a pretty high threshold for pain, so I knew that was not a good thing. Too bad, because I enjoyed it. Now I can't find the time at all.
  

Financial

• Max out my 401K - check!
  
• Meet the cash savings goals Paul and I are finalizing tonight - Well, just about. The money is there, it's just in different places, since the 529 had a big minimum investment. That's not cash, so I guess we technically failed on this one, by a hair.
  

Other

• Have monthly crafting day at my house with family and friends - yep! Except for October and December, which were way too busy.
  
• See my friends more - well, yes and no. Some people are really hard to get time with. Others, not so difficult. Wish people weren't spread so far apart. We spend a lot of time going back up to the East Bay, and it is worth it.
  

Well, that's not as bad as I thought. What about the coming year?? I just finally sat down to do this. Here we go:

Career:

• Keep my job.
  
• Grow my responsibilities and cross-functional work with an emphasis on projects that people who "matter" will actually recognize. (perhaps I should also resolve to stop working with/for people who refuse to recognize things around them?) Actually, this might be a reflection of working to mature my understanding of the organization's project portfolio prioritization. Ooh! big words!
  
• Do my damn PMP thing - No, really! I mean it this time! I finally have gotten through some of the mental roadblocks and stuff.
• Finish the Stanford Advanced Project Management certification in Q1
  

Health:

• Q1: Use Molly's nighttime nap (if there is one) to use the little exercise bike. - I'm too stretched to make big resolutions here. There is zero give in my schedule to sneak off to the gym. Yes, I much prefer running at the gym, and I MUCH prefer morning workouts, and I KNOW half the time I'll be running back in to shake her back to sleep, and it will be the shittiest workout ever. But what can I do? Besides hire a nanny. Maybe that will be Q2.
  

Financial

• Max out my 401K by end of June
  
• Add $X to our savings accounts each month. (X being a number we agreed on. Not sure I should really list the dollar amount publicly)
• Add $X to our 529 for Molly each month. (X being a number we agreed on, that, according to all of the college savings calculators, will end up making public college administrators laugh at her and say "oh, it's too bad your parents didn't really love you!")

Other

• Have monthly crafting day at my house with family and friends. (already scheduled Q1)
• Keep a journal daily, at least 90% of days
• Create a will/trust by the end of March
  

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
I have a new niece! And my husband's wife gave birth too! I was totally there for that!

4. Did anyone close to you die?
We lost our kitty in July. She was a huge character in the plotline of Rebecca and Paul, so that was really tough.

5. What countries did you visit?
We spent some time in redneck country, CA. Does that count? I don't think there will be much international travel in our near future, and this makes me sad. On the other hand, I really don't want to fly anymore, as I don't feel like grappling with the choice between an unproven radiation blast for my daughter, or teaching her that it's ok for random strangers to feel her up for no goddam reason.


6. What would you like to have in 2011 that you lacked in 2010?
Sleep? Not possible? OK, how about my drivers license, and my PMP?

7. What date from 2009 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
October 8th. Well, duh, because I got this really nice water bottle at El Camino Hospital that day. And a baby.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

• I narrowly avoided gestational diabetes, despite my best efforts.
• Managed to go through the whole pregnancy thing without using to many pregnancy cards. Not a lot of "move aside, I'm a Pregnant Lady!" or "can't do that. Pregnant." or "LOOK. I'm Pregnant. Center of the universe, here! Magical Vessel, and some other crap." One of the nicest things someone told me when I was like 8 months pregnant was "we weren't sure if you were pregnant, because you seem so *normal*" The last few weeks of pregnancy were hard, because I was at home (no AC) and it was like 110 degrees. I should have stayed at work where there was air conditioning and non-stop frozen yogurt.
  
• I had a baby without telling my husband I hated him, like they always do in the movies. It really wasn't that bad. Try the epidural, people! It is awesome!
• Managed to get a promotion, while on maternity leave! I should go on leave more often. Maybe absence makes the office heart grow fonder?
• I did not scream at some really stupid, maddening people. I often consider it a win when I am able to keep my opinion to myself.
  

9. What was your biggest failure?
I didn't teach my fetus three different languages in-utero. I still have not submitted my PMP application. This is something of a tradition, now.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
I just got sick like three days ago, which I managed to avoid for the past year or so. That's pretty good, I think. I try to avoid inventorying all of the various ailments I had during pregnancy. They sucked, but not that bad.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
Buying a car was a good idea. The Miracle Blanket is a close second though!


12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Paul was so good to me while I was pregnant. He carted me around to all of my appointments and helped me vacuum at 10pm near then end (when a spider tried to KILL ME)

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Stupid dumb Democratic Party. You deserve what you get for abandoning your constituents and failing to deliver on ANYTHING. Repealing Don't Ask Don't Tell came a little late for re-election.
14. Where did most of your money go?
Savings and rent. We have not had to buy much baby stuff, because: 1.) Babies don't really need that much, and 2.) we have incredibly generous and supportive family and friends.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Obviously, having a little person in the house!

16. What songs/bands will always remind you of 2010?
Can't think of anything.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you happier or sadder?
Happier

ii. thinner or fatter?
Fatter.

iii. richer or poorer?
Richer

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Exercise. Keeping in touch.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Pissing away time on the intertubes. There is an unlimited amount of information out there, but trying to consume too much of it interferes with the things we should really be doing.


20. How will you be spending Christmas?
I spent Christmas with family as always.
22. Did you fall in love in 2010?
I got to fall in love with Paul, as a dad this year. He is fantastic with Molly and it is a joy to see him as a whole new person.

23. What's on your night stand?

• Earplugs, which I don't have to use every night anymore.
  
• water bottle from my stint in the hospital, because I drink lots of water in my sleep
  
• alarm clock *same as last year
• Glasses-because I'm legally bind in one eye *same as last year
• ballpoint pen and an old packing list
• Iron pills because being pregnant made me slightly anemic
• Toilet paper roll because I'm congested from being sick
  
• a fancy phone which I also am not yet used to *same as last year
• The case for my NTI nightguard, which I still love *same as last year
  

24. What were your favorite TV programs?
We still don't have TV but we still watch The Daily Show and Colbert Report on the internet for free, though lately we've been too busy


(what happened to 25?)


26. What was the best book you read?
Various baby books. How lame is that?

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
89.1 FM KCEA. It is THE BEST.

28. What did you want and get?
Baby. Check. Healthy baby. Check! Healthy adorable baby! CHECK!

29. What did you want and not get?
Still have not met my friends' second daughter. Android tablet?

30. What was your favorite film(s) of this year?
Another year without setting foot in a movie theater. We did go to the opera though! This makes us sound snootier and higher-brow than we actually are.


31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
Spent the day with Paul and my sister, painting ceramics in Willow Glen. A few days later, Paul took me to a really nice dinner in campbell. I turned 33!

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
More time with friends. It feels like such an operation to get together with people anymore. People are so busy now I guess?


33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2010?
Not spending terribly much money on things you can only wear for 9 months.
I had a funny realization early one when I started trying on maternity clothes. All my life, in a dressing room, when I'd throw something on and think "this makes me look pregnant" I would then throw it into the "no" pile. I did that a few times before reminding myself that everything was making me look pregnant, because, well, I was pregnant.

34. What kept you sane?
knowing that it would all end soon and turn into a different kind of hell. Knowing that most things are temporary, except for Paul-- he is forever and he keeps everything right in my life.

35. Which celebrity/public figure(s) did you fancy the most?
shrug. Don't care.

36. What political issue stirred you the most?
Fix Congress First. Nothing else will matter until we fix congress. It doesn't matter who you elect as long as they are just working for the lobbyists to keep them in office.

37. Who did you miss?
It's the same every year. Always miss my grandfather and James. I miss living in SF and Berkely, where most of our friends are.



38. Who was the best new person you met?
Molly! she's the newest person I know.

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2010.

You really can get what you want just by screaming a whole bunch. Even if what you want it for someone to touch your poop.

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.

hmm, I got nothing. How about a picture instead?

From 2010.10.08 Molly 0th birthday

Union Strike

Total Mollygeddon!

Molly has been an utter and complete monster the past few days. It started as a refusal to nurse-- obnoxious enough on its own, and tonight it has built into a refusal to eat at all, and screaming bloody fucking murder any time I pick her up and sit in a chair or anywhere, it seems, she might think I would try to get her to eat. She just screamed at me for over an hour straight while Paul was out. It was fantastic. I got back at her by taking her temperature, though. No fever. So, no excuse.

In between she is cute and smiley, very excited at smiles and cooing. But don't let it fool you, she is a monster.

From 2010.10 Molly

Weepiness bookends my time off with Molly, as preparing to go back to work has made me more sad than I'd like.

It's not that I don't want to go back to work-- I really do need to get back to something other than diapers and rocking and shushing. It's just that I want to stay home too. I want it all. Actually, I don't even want to stay home, I just want to be at two places at once, for more of the day. I'm sad to give up my morning time with Molly, and being there to feed her whenever she is hungry. I will be gone during the most enjoyable time of her day-- by the evenings, she has usually turned into a fussy baby due to fighting off all of her naps. Smiles are easy in the morning:

From 2010.10 Molly

For a few days, I was able to really work on getting her naps, and she went to bed relatively easily those nights. But I have to give up on that now. She hates napping, she hates to go to bed. The screaming is obnoxious and we suppose she is too early to let her cry herself to sleep (that's MY job!)

We are lucky that she will be with Paul during the day, and me at night. No daycare. For one thing, we couldn't even afford it. At the same time, we are unlucky that we are going to each be on our own with her at our times, and rarely seeing each other. The timing is tight-- no more late nights at work, no more gym, no more shuttle (too damn slow) but it is going to work. And for now, at least, she'll be with one of her parents most of the time. Lucky girl! Lucky us! Even if it doesn't always feel lucky in the moment, while trying to calm her screaming. In hindsight, we'll remember it the way parents do-- too short.

From 2010.10 Molly

I still have tons of maternity leave time to take but I'm not sure how best to go about it. No matter what it will impact my work heavily, and I have a hard time accepting that. We're working on the best strategy-- time it for four months when we might think about sleep training? Take it in large chunks or short ones interspersed throughout the year? Which will be less damaging to my career? Which will be best for us as a family? Which might be used for other things, like a family vacation?

For now, I'm just focused on this week, as it clashes with Paul's schedule to make for a really hard week.

Monday I am returning to the office, and I have switched from feeling overwhelmed with the Molly-ness of everything all the time, to missing her fiercely just thinking about going to work. The past couple of days, I have gotten to spend some quality morning time just the two of us while Paul sleeps (we still basically take shifts, but they overlap now. Paul takes the evening take-four-hours-to-get-the-baby-to-bed, and I take the morning)

We have some quiet time in the morning, just Molly and me. At least until Monday.
She grows so fast. In fact! Last Tuesday, before Thanksgiving, she was up to 10 lbs, 14 oz, and this week, she was up to 11 pounds, 8 oz. She's totally blown through all of her newborn stuff and moved on to the big kid stuff. Soon she will outgrow the little "Newborn Napper" part of her Pack and Play that she has been sleeping in. Which Paul and I are sort of dreading, since we don't know how well she will transition.
Everything that has anything to do with sleep is heavy with all sorts of emotional baggage for me, and I neurotically worry about it and dread every night. It literally takes hours of fighting to get her to sleep at night (she's doing it right now as I type). Yay. So pretty much, my life will be: get up really early, fight the weather to ride to work, work all day, fight the weather and traffic to get home in time to switch off with Paul, balance baby and working from home in the evening (let's just be honest about the fact that my work always comes home with me), and then fighting the baby for several hours to get a few hours of sleep before repeating. Hooray! This is the part where I, as a parent, am required to say "It's so worth it!"

It's not good or bad, it's just the path we are on.

She really is charming when she is not screaming. Mostly in the morning. She fights naps too. But in between? Adorable! Lots of smiles. And some fantastic burps.

Oh how the time passes!
Slowly, actually, but I don't have any to myself.
Molly's latest turn of behavior is intense fussiness all damn day. She also discovered the dramatic cry, replacing the honest "lelelehhh" cry that used to build up naturally as she got frustrated, with a new wail that she pulls out immediately, pretty much at the drop of a hat. She demands to be carried and bounced at ALL TIMES. Any deviation from this results in immediate wailing. Which seems to be less honest than her old cries. She's onto something, I think. Drama queen.

Today I went to yoga class at my office, which I think is the first thing I have done just for me in the past 8 weeks. Babies are hell. Oops, parents aren't supposed to say that. I mean, ahem "They're lots of work but they're sooo worth it!" Later I will say "I don't remember my baby ever fussing!"

But, I am going back to work on Monday and I have tremendously mixed feelings about the whole thing. Ranging from "oh thank god, I miss adults" to "I have been replaced and have no use at work" to "I am really going to miss Molly." I have basically spent almost no time away from her in 8 weeks. Actually, make that 11 months. Am I going to miss out on her during the day? Am I just going to be glad to have some real adult things to do during the day where people aren't screaming at me for no reason? (Paul suggested that if anyone flips out in a meeting, I throw them over my knees and jiggle them until they shut up. Inappropriate? Maybe, but very effective!) Am I going to feel useless at work? Am I going to be completely overwhelmed at trying to juggle work during the day and Molly at night (Paul will be home at night with me for the next few weeks at least, but then I'll be on my own)

The worst thing is never having time for yourself. I used to have, like, hobbies and interests. And clean clothes. And that will only get worse with having work during the day. Molly is constant. There is never any rest. She barely naps, and when she does, she's left you with chores to do before she wakes up from her catnap for another round of hollering if you don't hold her. Fortunately, she is adorable. Sometimes even in her fussing. She definitely smiles at us now, especially just before spitting up violently on one of us. Yay. Last night she went for a record and projectile vomited all over me, like three times. I swear it was all of the milk she's eaten in the past week.

This could be related to the fact that she seems to be on poop strike lately. Now she just farts a lot, but the poop is apparently being stolen by someone else before we get to changing her diapers.

One of these days, maybe one of these months, she will be at an age where she can be by herself for a little bit. I hope. Don't tell Dr. Sears, but my biggest fantasy is of one night a week of not having a baby to take care of every minute. Maybe Dr. Sears would like to come and take care of her himself then.

Last week we went to Grandma Kay's house for Thanksgiving and Molly got to meet her cousins. Kate is several months older, but still? BABY FIGHT!

From 2010.10 Molly

Kate took this round on sheer size, but just wait, Molly is going to come back with cunning mean spirit later. Something tells me my brother's kids could never have mean spirit in a million years. But Molly? Well, just look at her pedigree.

She also got to meet grandma Kay for the first time:

From 2010.10 Molly

I know I have to be biased as a mother and think my baby is the cutest damn baby there ever was, but let's be honest... Molly has the most ridiculous widow's peak. And a mullet. She was essentially born with both, along with a very strong neck.


And now she is screaming again in the other room...

The rain is finally coming in, and it sounds delightful on the window. I love this time of year, and have started to pull my winter clothes from the box in the closet (and clear away the maternity clothes! Good riddance!) Hooray! It's Thanksgiving time and I have so much to be thankful for! Mostly? For my fantastic husband. I've been a real pain lately and he puts up with my insanity and takes such great care of me and Molly.

I finally got my riding gear out and took the SV back out on the road for my first time in a few months. Then again this morning to ride to my dentist in San Francisco (yep, my dentist is THAT good, totally worth the ride) I wasn't sure about being off the bike for so long, but you truly don't forget... it felt fantastic to be back on my bike, almost like I'm a real person a little bit, and not just a really terrible nanny/cow. (now if only I could remember where I put the DRZ registration so I could ride it too)


Oh, right, and then Molly!

She's six weeks! And according to the sleep books we've been reading, the crying is supposed to end at six weeks! So tomorrow, we expect to sleep in and, after waffles, enjoy our now completely sweet and quiet baby. Whew! Those first few weeks were tough! Good thing she won't cry anymore!

Especially since we are planning on dumping her at the grandparents' house for babysitting while we go to the opera this weekend. I'm sure she wouldn't fuss for grandma and grandpa!

She weighed in on Wednesday morning at 10 pounds, 8.6 oz. The baby sitting next to us in the group was the same weight, but she was 13 weeks old. My girl is a porker. oink oink.

In the past week, she has been practicing her spit-up technique, which is always followed by a look of satisfaction (almost even a smile?):

From 2010.10 Molly

Crying a whole bunch because her life is hell:

From 2010.10 Molly

(notice Aunt Jennifer's smirk in the background)

suffering through stupid outfits:

From 2010.10 Molly

(which she actually wore in public!)

expressing her continued distaste for baths:

From 2010.10 Molly

and swapping tall tales by the fire over a beer with her dad:

From 2010.10 Molly

Today we celebrated Molly's fifth week birthday by taking a spontaneous trip to the coast!
I had a bra-fitting appointment this morning and selfishly made Paul drive me there with baby in tow. (I should have just ridden my bike over by myself and left them alone, but I've become so spoiled and accustomed to going everywhere together) Which ended up being perfect because while I was chatting with the woman helping me, she mentioned that it was a nice day and she was telling her husband they should drive to Half Moon Bay after her last appointment.

I said. What a fantastic idea, I'll see you there!

The weather was perfect today for Molly's first trip to the coast. She slept in the Maya ring sling (thanks Gregg!) while we mosied around Half Moon Bay and ate pumpkin ice cream. Then we headed out to take Molly to the beach for the first time. She totally loved the beach! If by "loved" you mean "didn't notice" because she was sleeping in the sling...

From 2010.10 Molly

From 2010.10 Molly

From 2010.10 Molly

And because I didn't get to this earlier, here are some photos from Molly's angsty teenage bad-haircut phase she went through a few days back:

From 2010.10 Molly

From 2010.10 Molly

You can see in that picture, Molly was pandering to me with her choice of outfit. Sometimes she panders to Paul with an "I (heart) Daddy" outfit, like when she wants her dad to make waffles for me. But she'd better get her pandering in fast, because she is outgrowing all of the newborn stuff now. We've got her in big girl clothes now! Big, 0-3 month girl clothes, that is. She is mammoth.