Saturday, March 28, 2020

New COVID 19 hobbies

Today in weird new hobbies brought to you by a global pandemic:
To celebrate it being Saturday, and not needing to work, I got in my car BY MYSELF and drove about a mile to the Rose Garden, sat in my car for like 30-45 minutes (I'm still coughing) and watched all the people walking all their adorable dogs, while listening to "Wait Wait, Don't Tell Me" on KQED.  
It was aaaamaaaazing.

So, to recap, driving to a park to watch other people enjoying their walks. And mostly, their dogs. This is where we're at now. I came back after WWDTM was over, because then it was news, and, depressing as hell.

Wednesday, November 27, 2019

You've got your "thanks," don't forget to plan your "giving"

Thanksgiving is sandwiched between my two favorite holidays and their seasons in my house. It inhabits this sort of dead spot between the Halloween decorations and the Christmas ones, and I've never really known what to make of it. I'm pretty sure the bullshit about pilgrims and natives was thrown out fairly early on in my life, though I do remember being exposed to it as a child. Instead, I just always felt conflicted about celebrating a holiday that, if it's really about that, should be a day of mourning.

Later it was framed up as a day to gather with family and be thankful. I'm OK with that, being thankful is nice. And I guess it will tide us over until we can get down to the real holidays.

But over the past few years, I've been getting more excited about it, because the "Thanks" is just the first part. "Giving" follows immediately on Giving Tuesday.

In preparation, we've sat down made a spreadsheet with a budget, spent some time looking through previous donations to find favorites, then looked for areas we want to focus this year. We have now a list of all of the charitable donations we'll be making for the "Giving" part of this holiday.

So, what's your giving plan this year?


A few notes about this:

In the past, I thought it was tacky or rude to talk about charitable giving. Something about not wanting to make a show of giving, that is doing something for your own glory, or something about shame in having more or less money to give, something about a value instilled that people should be silently doing good for others so as not to make it about them... something something.

However, I have been convinced over the past few years that so much of what we do is based on social cues and norms, that to hide this is to risk others thinking it's not happening. I want to normalize charitable giving. I also learned that many folks (I am not one of these, so I reseted this notion at first) give to charities mostly when they are asked to do so by someone they know. If you're one of these people, here are some charities my family will be supporting this Giving Tuesday, and we invite you to join us:


  • American Civil Liberties Union Foundation Inc
  • American Civil Liberties Union
    • (Why both? One is the tax-deductible, gift-match-at-work one, the other is the one doing some very important lobbying and legal work)
  • Planned Parenthood Federation of America Inc
  • Planned Parenthood Mar Monte Inc
    • (Why two? Same reason as ACLU above)
  • Sacred Heart Community Services
  • Second Harvest Food Bank of Santa Clara and San Mateo Counties
  • California State Parks Foundation
  • Southern Poverty Law Center Inc
    • I realize there has been a some negative news about SPLC lately, but I still think they are doing very important work, so will keep an eye on this for next year)
  • Girl Scouts of Northern California
  • Downtown Streets - this one we picked because we were looking this year for something focused locally on homelessness, and this was an organization I'd had the honor of volunteering with once and was very impressed with the dignity and ownership of the work by those who are homeless or at-risk of being homeless.
  • Kqed Inc
  • RAICES
  • Donorschoose.org - we let the kids help pick out a project or two to fund, so they can get in on the giving and get in the habit and joy of picking something themselves. I love the engagement model for that purpose.

Thursday, October 12, 2017

gittin swole

Today was a first-in-life, so I'm setting it here.

I grew up as unathletic as they come. I don't think I ever ran a mile until a few years ago. I dreaded PE, was the last kid picked for anything, and carried that baggage into my adulthood.

Today I competed in powerlifting, and didn't do terribly.

I didn't take it as seriously as I would have needed to in order to "win." (the scoring was based on the Wilks formula, which is to say, if you lift heavy but also *are* heavy, you may lose to someone lifting lighter who is lighter. I *am* heavy-- the heaviest I have ever been in my life, almost as heavy as I was when pregnant. I'm also strong as hell.) If I wanted to win, I would have had to decide months in advance, and have the willpower to skip beer and cheese. I am still undecided on whether that would be worth it...

And I have yet to see the scores, to see how much more I would have had to lift, or how much weight I'd need to lose. but I hear I placed 4th in bench press, which I always thought was my crappiest lift. (presumably that was my best scoring lift because otherwise I think I would have heard about it)


But that's not the point. I tried something new today. I was baffled by the rules, missed the instructions and scored needlessly low on my favorite lift due to a miscommunication, but it was still so fun! Next time, and I hope there will be a next time, I might actually know what I'm doing, and I think I would have a shot at placing well.

In my twenties, I must have wanted to be a badass. Now that I'm 40, I'm... kind of a badass.








Monday, February 20, 2017

Not My President's Day

Molly told me she wanted to draw on one of her white shirts with fabric markers. Fine, I said. I suggested she sketch out what she planned on a piece of paper first, since the fabric markers aren't forgiving, and kindergartners are prone to spelling and artistic changeability.

As I prepared breakfast and coffee in the other room, she asked me "what letter makes a 'shh' sound?"

"It depends. What are you trying to spell?"

"Fascist."

I put the coffee down. "That's a strong word. What are you writing?"



I love this kid.

Yes, I told her several times, she has it out of order, but she doesn't listen to me, no ma'am.

She tells me the picture is of trump picking his nose and using his phone. I think the nosepicking thing is just because she's in kindergarten, and that's a thing. The phone, though... she picks up on everything.
The red dot was intended to be a stop sign.

Saturday, February 11, 2017

Glitter and fists

Today is a day that I got to go to a protest, AND play with glitter. So I fucking win today. The End.



Friday, January 20, 2017

It's a momentous day...

... it must be
Because my kid finally grew a pair of ovaries, and agreed to watch Star Wars with me (she's always said she's too scared, but today today she said "I want to watch it, I'm not scared.")
And now I sit in bed, and hear downstairs, the sound of my husband peeling packing tape to laminate the sign my kid made for tomorrow's march. Tomorrow, my family marches.

She made the sign. This will be her third rally since election night. She will know that this is what we do, this is one of the things we do as part of this great democratic experiment. We will march, as her parents marched, and their parents, and theirs, and we will turn this thing around.

Ask her where the power comes from... she might just tell you that the power comes from the people when they stick together.

I'm not sure why tonight, of all nights, she finally decided she was willing to watch star wars, but I'm glad we got another venue to talk about rebellions and #goodtrouble.

Sunday, January 15, 2017

#goodtrouble

I had the good fortune to attend two rallies this weekend, and both with my family members. I am truly fortunate to have been raised by giants. Whenever I think of marching, I think of my grandfather, and I want my daughters to also carry on their responsibilities in this great democratic experiment.


I had the good fortune to get to hear John Lewis speak a few years ago when his graphic novel "March" was coming out, and I have been sitting on my copy of the first volume, trying to figure out when is the right age to introduce my kid to it. Of course, that all feels like it's being sped up now, and I've been trying to help her understand "good trouble" as he's described it. At six, she's been told in her schooling to respect authority and police and the law, but here we are, now trying to help her understand that trusting the police is iffy and based on privilege, justice is more important than law, and that sometimes you have to do the things you've been told not to do, in order to bend the arc.




I have to say, that watching this tool attack John Lewis, and say he's "all talk, no action" is just shocking to me, and on the weekend of MLK day! I would expect him to attack John Lewis maybe for disagreement, obstruction even, but... NO ACTION?!?!? THIS MAN? Arrested 40 times during the civil rights movement in the 60's (skull fractured-- he kept going). Arrested 5 times as a congresscritter. WHAT THE FUCK COUNTS AS ACTION TRUMP? Oh, nevermind, it just made me feel very nicki minaj.

Donald, what's action?




Saturday, we went to a pro-immigrant rally in San Jose, and ran into several people we know, which was wonderful. It's good to go, and find out you are not alone. It's even better to to see the strength of the people when they come together, and the support of local city and state representatives. This rally seemed better prepared than a few of the others I've been to in the recent months, which is a great sign, because we are going to need it.

I love an immigrant. You probably do, too, but that's not the point. I think we get a little sidetracked when we try to leverage people's heartstrings... "you should care about women's rights because you have mothers and sisters and daughters" "you should want gays to be able to get married because Gary in accounting is gay and you like him." I mean, great, we love Gary in accounting, but even if you don't, you should care about people you don't even know. Period.

Sunday was a healthcare rally in San Francisco. I wasn't going to go, on account of it being far, and me having a family to take care of and all, but my mom wanted to go, and our neighbors were going and they have a 2 year old and are pregnant with another, so I have no good excuse. I'm glad we went. What a great lineup, and what a beautiful day! Pelosi, Eshoo, Zofgren, a bunch of others, and Keith Ellison. Ellison was great: I think he even got me excited about being ready for sit-ins (let's all go get arrested!). Again I am so god damn lucky to come from a line of rabble rousers ( I think this is what we used to call involved citizens?). My mother is her father's daughter, and I hope my kids carry this on. I just hope we leave them enough of a world to be able to fight in.







What you yell matters

Whew, so that's two rallies I've gone to that haven't used the "LOVE TRUMPS HATE" chant that I hate so much.

I want to yell and shake my fists as much as the rest of you, but can we just retire that one, please?

Firstly, I dislike "Love trumps hate" because "trump" is the active verb in that sentence, and, you'll forgive me for never wanting mr. drumpf active verbing anything, ever?

But, worse, it sounds a hell of a lot like an imperative (a lot of march chants are imperatives) and NOOOO I will NOT love Trump's hate. I do not love his hate, you should not love his hate. I really detest Trump's hate, and that's why we're all here.

So please, let's just not with the stupid "love trumps hate!" I won't love his fucking hate.

Stick to the classics, willya? Like:

NO TRUMP
NO KKK
NO FASCISTS USA

Tuesday, December 06, 2016

Progress!

Bench Press 145
Romanian Deadlift 245
Bent Over Row 135
Back Squat 185


You know it.

Tuesday, November 08, 2016

I guess in a way, this is freeing, because we can all stop pretending now

I'm done. It was all a fucking farce.
I'm done believing my life matters. I'm done pretending I'm equal. I almost believed it for a bit, too! I thought I was killing it, holding my family together, being the breadwinner, kicking ass and taking names. i thought *we* were, maybe, doing it.

We aren't. Women are not equal in this United States. This democratic experiment is not over, but it's time for us to realize that this dream we were so close to, that women mattered, that you could not insult, assault, and smugly ridicule them for just being women... it's a fucking farce. You can do all of these these things, becuase America doesn't give a flying fuck about women. We are still terrified and horrified of women, and, well, I seem to have been born female. So... fuck it. I feel stupid for even believing this dream I was living in.

So, if I start leaving work 77% early, or not doing shit at night because it's not safe to be a woman after dark, or not bothering to follow up on stuff becuase I wouldn't want to be deemed pushy... If I stop paying my taxes because tax-supported hospitals refuse medical care to women and tax-paid judges think that raping a woman behind a dumpster is A-OK...

GO. FUCK YOURSELF, AMERICA. I'm not a fully valuable human, so you shouldn't expect me to be a fully contributing one.

At least I can stop trying to get all this girl power propaganda into my daughters' heads, becuase... it's all a heap of shit. I'd hate for them to grow up to be nasty women, or to think that it's not ok for men to grab them by the genitalia. And frankly, researching this strong-girl-propaganda stuff was taking up a bit of time. It will be so much easier to just buy them lipstick and diet pills.

And I can't keep lying to my daughters and giving them a pretty picture that if they work hard they might be respected and treated as capable, respected individuals. It's a crock of shit, and WHY IS IT MY JOB TO LIE TO MY KIDS.

I thought a woman had to be twice as qualified to be considered half as good, but... I was off by an order of magnitude.  I can't. I just... can't. I'm over and out. I'll let the men in my life take over all the hard shit I've been doing.

Sunday, August 30, 2015

Tonight's conversation

As I was tucking molly in to bed...

"Wait. I'm going to call the god of darkness and tell him it's night, because I think he's nocturnal."
"Oh? How do you call the god of darkness?"
"On my superphone!" (Proceeds to make a pretend phone call to chernobog)

Tuesday, August 18, 2015

Raising a Believer

Molly: Mom, do you believe in god?
Me: I don’t.
Molly: I do.
Me: OK. What makes you think that?
Molly: Margaret believes in god.
Me: I think she does. You know, some people believe in god, but it’s a different one than Margaret believes in. How will you decide which one to believe in?

Molly: I’ll probably believe in the god… of darkness. And bats.




Update: Apparently, she's referring to Chernobog

Tuesday, June 09, 2015

Our power was out for eight hours yesterday. (5:22-1:18!) Thanks for the excellent service and smart grid, PG&E!

Now, where do I sign up for one of Elon Musk's new batteries?

Wednesday, May 27, 2015

Thank FSM for Spotify to supply me with salty sea shanties on demand!

I don't know how Drunken Sailor ended up in my head yesterday, but I'm glad Spotify can produce.

Sunday, January 04, 2015

Go Home, America. You're drunk.





spotted at my local Whole Paycheck.
This is just slightly sillier than the labeling of bottled water as "gluten free" at the Sprouts in Sunnyvale.

Monday, September 22, 2014

Tuesday, March 25, 2014

Toot Toot!

We just had the most wonderful tour at Railtown 1897 State Park. Unfortunately, our visit to Jamestown was too early by 2 weeks, as the trains don't start running until April. However, on Tuesday, they have a shop tour which were were lucky to catch.

It probably helps that it's just before season opening, and they are all in the workshops getting the trains ready for next month, but I think any time of the year would be great to see the amazing restoration projects they have underway.

The tour guide, Leroy, is a treasure. Do try to catch one of his shop tours if you are around Jamestown on a Tuesday. If you're a mechanic, tinkerer, or train nut, you MUST take this awesome tour.

The tour started with a pretty lengthy presentation of the history of the trains and the maintenance and restoration projects. Then we went to the roundhouse to see the engines (and some other cars, but let's face it, it's all about the engines), where we got such great detail and background on the work being done, and the workshop required to do it (ever think about a train having tires? and how to change them? And the lifespan of those "tires?" Apparently it's about 200,000 miles)  The tour took us through all the workshops and was filled with neat details and answers to any question-- it's clear that Leroy knows and loves everything about these trains and the work going on here.

Shop tours are on Tuesdays at 12pm (2 hour tour), except sometimes when it's super-hot, according to the gentleman working in the store. So, come on a Tuesday in the spring to get the best tour, Saturdays, starting in April, to ride steam, and Sundays, starting in April to ride diesel. (hint-- you want steam. It takes them almost 4 hours to get the steam engines running, which is why they don't run them other days)




Wednesday, March 19, 2014

A Health to the Company

So here's a health to the company and one to my lass
Let us drink and be merry all out of one glass


I've never been one to celebrate St. Patrick's Day. When I moved to San Francisco, and worked in the Financial District, I remember hating the mess of drunken fratboy behaviors, and the screams of "why aren't you drinking, aren't you Irish?" (really. Nothing weirdly racist about that at all.)

But now we are fortunate enough to live walking distance from a lovely pub, where we regularly take molly for dinner and/or a beer. (for us... not for her

And Sunday night they had Irish step dancing and a band playing Irish folk music. When we got there, Molly desperately wanted to squeeze inside to hear the band. She told me "mama, I like music!' when we took a potty break. When the dancers came out, she went to watch and she LOVED it. But the best? After the dancers left, and the pub became less crowded, she found the dance floor to herself, and danced for like an hour. At one point, two women came up to dance with her, but Molly wasn't quite ready to deal with that. People sitting at the side smiled and waved at her bizarro interpretive, but heartfelt, dance.

I'm old now, and my clubbing days are well behind me. I'm so happy to have a place where kids are loved as part of the continuum. A friend at work seemed surprised "you took your kid to a PUB?!?!" but it seems like the natural thing to me. I've finally come around to St. Patrick's Day, and only because now I can see it through the eyes of a child dancing to folk music at a pub while her parents slam back pints of Murphys.






On another note, though, St. Patrick's will always be a bittersweet time for us, as we'll remember it as the time we saw Kathie off. She passed away the morning after, one year ago.

Let us drink and be merry, all grief to refrain
For we may or might never all meet here again


Monday, March 17, 2014

Running in Circles. Lift heavy things.

Last week, for the first time, I ran a ten-minute mile. Three times.

Now, I know a ten-minute mile is nothing to brag about, but I'm someone who has never in her life been fit. I should celebrate. With cookies.

A few years back, I shared an office (we do that here at the Big G) with someone who had a very different experience of fitness. Who had apparently been a sponsored runner at some point in his life, a concept so alien to me, I had to wonder whether it was really such an impossible thing. I decided to give it a try. (I did not decide to try the many other things he had also done, like rappelling out of helicopters face-first).

Of course I wanted to control my weight, which was ballooning due to the endless food at work, but I also was worried about my heart. I had occasional spells of dizziness and near-blackouts, prompted by nothing. My blood pressure is actually low, and I found out that my heart rate was insanely high. I got a Polar heart rate monitor and included bringing my heart rate down as a measurable goal.

I'm a person who needs the details simple and spelled out. My friend mentioned a good running shoe store and I dutifully went and got sized up and bought whatever they told me. At first, I started by running with Paul, around the neighborhood. Then we found a nearby track at the fancy local high school, and did run-walk sessions there. I pretty quickly ended up going to physical therapy for a weird foot/ankle pain. But did not give up.

After we moved to Sunnyvale, and there was no track nearby, I found that I ended up happier running indoors on a treadmill, due to the opportunity to completely tune out the world around me. No dog poop, no cars, no creepy dude sneaking up behind me while I rocked out to the angry music of my youth. Just me, running. It was easy to figure out. Not a lot of fussing with circuits and reps, methods or partners. Just me, running. I started running longer, and little faster. My heart rate was still very high, but I no longer had blood pressure drops that used to nearly knock me out.

I got pregnant. I read a book that told me not only could I keep running, but it would lead to the very best outcomes. I kept at it, until sometime around the 5th/6th month when round ligament pain left my in pain for a 45-minute spell after work one day. Then I tried to switch to bicycle, but as always I HATE bicycle, and abandoned exercise during pregnancy.

After Molly, we bought a treadmill since I couldn't very well leave to run during her naps, but I could be in the garage. I ran... sometimes. Not very often. I am a person who needs simple, spelled out details. When I finally got back to running, it was because I bought a C25K app. I need a simple plan. C25K got e back into running. Then, of course, back to the physical therapist, this time for sacroiliac pain that appeared after Molly was born, and had gotten progressively worse to the point where I could barely move by the time I got help. That one is still with me, but I manage it a little better now. And I didn't give up. I tried to keep running once I got my PT's go-ahead.

I was sporadic for a while, then a coworker asked me to be her gym buddy for a while. It was the first time I set foot in the gym at work since before Molly was born. But it worked. I started going 3-4 times/week. Just running. But? I was till quite slow, and my heart rate has never really gotten any better. And it was not helping me lose weight at all.

I added a GBarre class weekly (something kind of like this), the first time I've really ever enjoyed any gym class. I think I like it because it's slow and controlled. I don't like jumping around a ton and a fast-paced class just makes me relive an entire childhood of feeling like I'm the only idiot two steps behind a body of people who appear to effortlessly "get it." After the first class, it was three days before I could walk normally again. I loved it.

But after all this, I still could not lose weight, I still could not control my heart rate, and running was starting to get boring with no progress. I like to track because I think that if I track, I'll see progress, which will motivate me. I did not see progress in spite of my .


Enter fitocracy. I don't remember what link led me to it, but I thought I'd give it a whirl. As I said, I like simple, clear plans and tracking my workouts is probably what I had in mind. But I started to hear the same things over and over. Something about "Starting Strength." I already knew I hated endless circuits of special maneuvers and isolation machines at a gym. I already knew I had been baffled every time a trainer had shown me 5-10 different moves to do while jumping up and down on a bosu ball while juggling dumbells and balancing on one foot. I respond best to simple, clear instructions. I decided to take a stab at it, and started telling anyone who would listen, lest I chicken out. I signed up for a trainer at work and said I wanted to learn barbell squats, deadlifts (I didn't really even know what a deadlift was), bench press, clean (I had NO IDEA what that was), and press (again, only kind of knowing what that meant). My trainer showed up and seemed to question my motivations at first. But he's coming around and I love the attention to form. I want and need to do this right. He is really concerned about any small deficiencies which might hurt my back. But actually, my back hurts less now than it did a few weeks ago. I am convinced that if I can properly do these classic, compound movements, I can actually reduce my sacroiliac problems in the long run.
Look, I'm not trying to be an olympic lifter, and I don't even think I'll ever lift very heavy, but if I can learn to do these things, and do them properly, I can quietly go about my simple business of becoming a more awesome version of myself. Without the confusion of the latest trendy methods.



A few years ago, this would have been the least likely thing I would ever have thought-- that I'd be running and trying to do weird gym-bro stuff. No way. Those of us who never found our way in the gym are not really able to go to the gym. We get there and feel uncomfortable from the start. We don't know where to go, how to stand, what to do, and in what order/repetition. We feel stared at and ridiculed (mostly imagined) and that's before we even get to the process of exercise! The gym is for people who are already fit and it's terrifying to try to get started so late. But here we are.

I'm glad for the people who have helped push me along. My coworker who runs ( a "real" runner, while I am more of a jogger I suppose based on my slowness) and just gently nudged me and kept saying I was running when I insisted my slowness meant I was just jogging. My friend who asked me to go to the gym with her until I couldn't say no, and just kept telling me it didn't matter what we did there, as long as we WENT. And the random strangers on Fitocracy who show their efforts and kindly offer support for anyone who is interested in becoming more awesome.


Maybe someday I will be able to do my very first pull-up?