New COVID 19 hobbies

Today in weird new hobbies brought to you by a global pandemic:

To celebrate it being Saturday, and not needing to work, I got in my car BY MYSELF and drove about a mile to the Rose Garden, sat in my car for like 30-45 minutes (I'm still coughing) and watched all the people walking all their adorable dogs, while listening to "Wait Wait, Don't Tell Me" on KQED.  

It was aaaamaaaazing.

So, to recap, driving to a park to watch other people enjoying their walks. And mostly, their dogs. This is where we're at now. I came back after WWDTM was over, because then it was news, and, depressing as hell.

You've got your "thanks," don't forget to plan your "giving"

Thanksgiving is sandwiched between my two favorite holidays and their seasons in my house. It inhabits this sort of dead spot between the Halloween decorations and the Christmas ones, and I've never really known what to make of it. I'm pretty sure the bullshit about pilgrims and natives was thrown out fairly early on in my life, though I do remember being exposed to it as a child. Instead, I just always felt conflicted about celebrating a holiday that, if it's really about that, should be a day of mourning.

Later it was framed up as a day to gather with family and be thankful. I'm OK with that, being thankful is nice. And I guess it will tide us over until we can get down to the real holidays.

But over the past few years, I've been getting more excited about it, because the "Thanks" is just the first part. "Giving" follows immediately on Giving Tuesday.

In preparation, we've sat down made a spreadsheet with a budget, spent some time looking through previous donations to find favorites, then looked for areas we want to focus this year. We have now a list of all of the charitable donations we'll be making for the "Giving" part of this holiday.

So, what's your giving plan this year?


A few notes about this:

In the past, I thought it was tacky or rude to talk about charitable giving. Something about not wanting to make a show of giving, that is doing something for your own glory, or something about shame in having more or less money to give, something about a value instilled that people should be silently doing good for others so as not to make it about them... something something.

However, I have been convinced over the past few years that so much of what we do is based on social cues and norms, that to hide this is to risk others thinking it's not happening. I want to normalize charitable giving. I also learned that many folks (I am not one of these, so I reseted this notion at first) give to charities mostly when they are asked to do so by someone they know. If you're one of these people, here are some charities my family will be supporting this Giving Tuesday, and we invite you to join us:

• American Civil Liberties Union Foundation Inc
• American Civil Liberties Union
• (Why both? One is the tax-deductible, gift-match-at-work one, the other is the one doing some very important lobbying and legal work)
• Planned Parenthood Federation of America Inc
• Planned Parenthood Mar Monte Inc
• (Why two? Same reason as ACLU above)
• Sacred Heart Community Services
• Second Harvest Food Bank of Santa Clara and San Mateo Counties
• California State Parks Foundation
• Southern Poverty Law Center Inc
• I realize there has been a some negative news about SPLC lately, but I still think they are doing very important work, so will keep an eye on this for next year)
• Girl Scouts of Northern California
• Downtown Streets - this one we picked because we were looking this year for something focused locally on homelessness, and this was an organization I'd had the honor of volunteering with once and was very impressed with the dignity and ownership of the work by those who are homeless or at-risk of being homeless.
• Kqed Inc
• RAICES
• Donorschoose.org - we let the kids help pick out a project or two to fund, so they can get in on the giving and get in the habit and joy of picking something themselves. I love the engagement model for that purpose.

gittin swole

Today was a first-in-life, so I'm setting it here.

I grew up as unathletic as they come. I don't think I ever ran a mile until a few years ago. I dreaded PE, was the last kid picked for anything, and carried that baggage into my adulthood.

Today I competed in powerlifting, and didn't do terribly.

I didn't take it as seriously as I would have needed to in order to "win." (the scoring was based on the Wilks formula, which is to say, if you lift heavy but also *are* heavy, you may lose to someone lifting lighter who is lighter. I *am* heavy-- the heaviest I have ever been in my life, almost as heavy as I was when pregnant. I'm also strong as hell.) If I wanted to win, I would have had to decide months in advance, and have the willpower to skip beer and cheese. I am still undecided on whether that would be worth it...

And I have yet to see the scores, to see how much more I would have had to lift, or how much weight I'd need to lose. but I hear I placed 4th in bench press, which I always thought was my crappiest lift. (presumably that was my best scoring lift because otherwise I think I would have heard about it)


But that's not the point. I tried something new today. I was baffled by the rules, missed the instructions and scored needlessly low on my favorite lift due to a miscommunication, but it was still so fun! Next time, and I hope there will be a next time, I might actually know what I'm doing, and I think I would have a shot at placing well.

In my twenties, I must have wanted to be a badass. Now that I'm 40, I'm... kind of a badass.

Not My President's Day

Molly told me she wanted to draw on one of her white shirts with fabric markers. Fine, I said. I suggested she sketch out what she planned on a piece of paper first, since the fabric markers aren't forgiving, and kindergartners are prone to spelling and artistic changeability.

As I prepared breakfast and coffee in the other room, she asked me "what letter makes a 'shh' sound?"

"It depends. What are you trying to spell?"

"Fascist."

I put the coffee down. "That's a strong word. What are you writing?"

I love this kid.

Yes, I told her several times, she has it out of order, but she doesn't listen to me, no ma'am.

She tells me the picture is of trump picking his nose and using his phone. I think the nosepicking thing is just because she's in kindergarten, and that's a thing. The phone, though... she picks up on everything.

The red dot was intended to be a stop sign.

Glitter and fists

Today is a day that I got to go to a protest, AND play with glitter. So I fucking win today. The End.

It's a momentous day...

... it must be
Because my kid finally grew a pair of ovaries, and agreed to watch Star Wars with me (she's always said she's too scared, but today today she said "I want to watch it, I'm not scared.")
And now I sit in bed, and hear downstairs, the sound of my husband peeling packing tape to laminate the sign my kid made for tomorrow's march. Tomorrow, my family marches.

She made the sign. This will be her third rally since election night. She will know that this is what we do, this is one of the things we do as part of this great democratic experiment. We will march, as her parents marched, and their parents, and theirs, and we will turn this thing around.

Ask her where the power comes from... she might just tell you that the power comes from the people when they stick together.

I'm not sure why tonight, of all nights, she finally decided she was willing to watch star wars, but I'm glad we got another venue to talk about rebellions and #goodtrouble.

Order? or Justice?

"I have almost reached the regrettable conclusion that the Negro's great stumbling block in his stride toward freedom is not the White Citizen's Counciler or the Ku Klux Klanner, but the white moderate, who is more devoted to "order" than to justice; who prefers a negative peace which is the absence of tension to a positive peace which is the presence of justice; who constantly says: "I agree with you in the goal you seek, but I cannot agree with your methods of direct action"; who paternalistically believes he can set the timetable for another man's freedom; who lives by a mythical concept of time and who constantly advises the Negro to wait for a "more convenient season."

#goodtrouble

I had the good fortune to attend two rallies this weekend, and both with my family members. I am truly fortunate to have been raised by giants. Whenever I think of marching, I think of my grandfather, and I want my daughters to also carry on their responsibilities in this great democratic experiment.

I had the good fortune to get to hear John Lewis speak a few years ago when his graphic novel "March" was coming out, and I have been sitting on my copy of the first volume, trying to figure out when is the right age to introduce my kid to it. Of course, that all feels like it's being sped up now, and I've been trying to help her understand "good trouble" as he's described it. At six, she's been told in her schooling to respect authority and police and the law, but here we are, now trying to help her understand that trusting the police is iffy and based on privilege, justice is more important than law, and that sometimes you have to do the things you've been told not to do, in order to bend the arc.

I’ve marched, protested, been beaten and arrested--all for the right to vote. Friends of mine gave their lives. Honor their sacrifice. Vote. pic.twitter.com/1lYp99RaOe

— John Lewis (@repjohnlewis) November 3, 2016

I have to say, that watching this tool attack John Lewis, and say he's "all talk, no action" is just shocking to me, and on the weekend of MLK day! I would expect him to attack John Lewis maybe for disagreement, obstruction even, but... NO ACTION?!?!? THIS MAN? Arrested 40 times during the civil rights movement in the 60's (skull fractured-- he kept going). Arrested 5 times as a congresscritter. WHAT THE FUCK COUNTS AS ACTION TRUMP? Oh, nevermind, it just made me feel very nicki minaj.

Donald, what's action?

Saturday, we went to a pro-immigrant rally in San Jose, and ran into several people we know, which was wonderful. It's good to go, and find out you are not alone. It's even better to to see the strength of the people when they come together, and the support of local city and state representatives. This rally seemed better prepared than a few of the others I've been to in the recent months, which is a great sign, because we are going to need it.

I love an immigrant. You probably do, too, but that's not the point. I think we get a little sidetracked when we try to leverage people's heartstrings... "you should care about women's rights because you have mothers and sisters and daughters" "you should want gays to be able to get married because Gary in accounting is gay and you like him." I mean, great, we love Gary in accounting, but even if you don't, you should care about people you don't even know. Period.

Sunday was a healthcare rally in San Francisco. I wasn't going to go, on account of it being far, and me having a family to take care of and all, but my mom wanted to go, and our neighbors were going and they have a 2 year old and are pregnant with another, so I have no good excuse. I'm glad we went. What a great lineup, and what a beautiful day! Pelosi, Eshoo, Zofgren, a bunch of others, and Keith Ellison. Ellison was great: I think he even got me excited about being ready for sit-ins (let's all go get arrested!). Again I am so god damn lucky to come from a line of rabble rousers ( I think this is what we used to call involved citizens?). My mother is her father's daughter, and I hope my kids carry this on. I just hope we leave them enough of a world to be able to fight in.

Even though I was arrested, I smiled bc I was on the right side of history. Find a way to get in the way #goodtrouble pic.twitter.com/SN0K6lHbqO

— John Lewis (@repjohnlewis) July 19, 2015

What you yell matters

Whew, so that's two rallies I've gone to that haven't used the "LOVE TRUMPS HATE" chant that I hate so much.

I want to yell and shake my fists as much as the rest of you, but can we just retire that one, please?

Firstly, I dislike "Love trumps hate" because "trump" is the active verb in that sentence, and, you'll forgive me for never wanting mr. drumpf active verbing anything, ever?

But, worse, it sounds a hell of a lot like an imperative (a lot of march chants are imperatives) and NOOOO I will NOT love Trump's hate. I do not love his hate, you should not love his hate. I really detest Trump's hate, and that's why we're all here.

So please, let's just not with the stupid "love trumps hate!" I won't love his fucking hate.

Stick to the classics, willya? Like:

NO TRUMP
NO KKK
NO FASCISTS USA

Progress!

Bench Press 145

Romanian Deadlift 245

Bent Over Row 135

Back Squat 185

You know it.

I guess in a way, this is freeing, because we can all stop pretending now

I'm done. It was all a fucking farce.
I'm done believing my life matters. I'm done pretending I'm equal. I almost believed it for a bit, too! I thought I was killing it, holding my family together, being the breadwinner, kicking ass and taking names. i thought *we* were, maybe, doing it.

We aren't. Women are not equal in this United States. This democratic experiment is not over, but it's time for us to realize that this dream we were so close to, that women mattered, that you could not insult, assault, and smugly ridicule them for just being women... it's a fucking farce. You can do all of these these things, becuase America doesn't give a flying fuck about women. We are still terrified and horrified of women, and, well, I seem to have been born female. So... fuck it. I feel stupid for even believing this dream I was living in.

So, if I start leaving work 77% early, or not doing shit at night because it's not safe to be a woman after dark, or not bothering to follow up on stuff becuase I wouldn't want to be deemed pushy... If I stop paying my taxes because tax-supported hospitals refuse medical care to women and tax-paid judges think that raping a woman behind a dumpster is A-OK...

GO. FUCK YOURSELF, AMERICA. I'm not a fully valuable human, so you shouldn't expect me to be a fully contributing one.

At least I can stop trying to get all this girl power propaganda into my daughters' heads, becuase... it's all a heap of shit. I'd hate for them to grow up to be nasty women, or to think that it's not ok for men to grab them by the genitalia. And frankly, researching this strong-girl-propaganda stuff was taking up a bit of time. It will be so much easier to just buy them lipstick and diet pills.

And I can't keep lying to my daughters and giving them a pretty picture that if they work hard they might be respected and treated as capable, respected individuals. It's a crock of shit, and WHY IS IT MY JOB TO LIE TO MY KIDS.

I thought a woman had to be twice as qualified to be considered half as good, but... I was off by an order of magnitude.  I can't. I just... can't. I'm over and out. I'll let the men in my life take over all the hard shit I've been doing.